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Category: acceptance

Energetically yours

Came across a very interesting thought. It’s not radical or new. But a different perspective on the same thing.

Who is God?

Most will describe him as an old man with a flowing beard. No, not Santa Claus, although he does fit the description.

Said God apparently gets angry when we do bad things. And if we do good things, then he rewards us.

But is that how we have experienced God? Hardly.

A better way to think of this is that God is just energy. He is the energy that created all of Creation. He is also the one that sustains all of it, and eventually leads to destruction and recycling.

So if everything is God’s energy, what are we doing about it? If we do bad things, then God’s energy gets suppressed. But if we do good things, we practice gratitude, we are kind to others, we are empathetic and compassionate, then we automatically become free flowing channels of God’s energy. Isn’t that incredible?

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The Laws of Human Nature – part 3 of 6

Continuing the takeaways from the book called the Laws of Human Nature by author Robert Greene.

  1. The Law of DefensivenessThis chapter discusses the human tendency to become defensive when challenged. It advises us to be aware of this trait and to use it to our advantage in conflict and negotiation situations.
  2. The Law of Self-SabotageThis law highlights the human tendency to sabotage our own success due to fear and insecurity. It encourages us to recognize and overcome these self-defeating behaviours.
  3. The Law of RepressionThis law discusses the human tendency to repress uncomfortable emotions and memories. It advises us to confront and process these feelings to achieve emotional health and stability.

    Continued tomorrow…
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Angry fellwoo

There’s a lovely heartwarming Korean TV series called Extraordinary Attorney Woo.

It focuses on autism and how anyone with such a disorder needs to be encouraged as they too can contribute to society. What we call normal, is perhaps just our own condescending and deluded version of how we see the world and expect it to function.

One scene I loved was when Attorney Woo-Young-Woo is shouted at by her superior at work.

If it was me in her place, it would have shaken me to the core. And I’d have been thinking about the incident for months thereafter.

But Attorney Woo? Being autistic, she doesn’t grasp emotions like anger instinctively. Instead she says, “Oh, your cheeks are getting red, your voice is rising, your ears are flexing, your nostrils are enlarging, your eyebrows are pointing upwards, oh – that means you must be getting angry!”

Deconstructed this way, that’s all anger really is, isn’t it? Why should we take the actions of someone else to our hearts?

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Dematerialized

On a recent long flight for work, I was happy to just head back home after all the insane travel and hectic schedule. After the bags were checked-in, and my immigration cleared, it was time to just unwind and sleep on the plane.

We sat on the plane, and the plane sat on the tarmac, for the entirety of 6 hours. And then we were de-planed – back to square one as it were.

With no substitute flight in sight, the only option was to book another carrier. So take my luggage, and re-check-in and repeat the entire process. But the luggage didn’t come. The first plane’s cargo hold wouldn’t be opened because of a lack of manpower (impossible to fathom for those hailing from a country of 1.4 billion!).

Filing a complaint with the airport baggage services team resulted in an arrangement where the bags could / should be delivered directly to my home… within 22 days, or monetary compensation if undelivered!

Money cannot compensate for some of the things in the bag – gifts purchased for those back home for instance. Nor can it compensate for the lost time and energy. But such is life, providing first-hand practical lessons on the importance of de-materialism and its mental acceptance.

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Kar dashed

A young woman in her early 30s passed away recently.

How so?

Because she was emulating a celebrity. Not emulating just in terms of speaking and mannerisms, but in looks too.

Plastic surgery upon plastic surgery meant all sorts of changes to her physicality.

This all led her to have a huge number of Instagram followers. That’s what the tabloids reported at least. But putting this number of followers into perspective, is less than 0.01% of the world’s population.

Anyway, the most recent surgery she undertook resulted in some unexpected medical complications. And then she was gone, just like that.

This beautiful body and mind that we have been given, what should one do with it? Use it? Or abuse it? And all to please the 0.01%?

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Evil eye

There’s loads of people in India that believe in the concept of evil eye.

There’s many people in other countries too that believe in it.

Most other people, especially youngsters though ridicule such beliefs, terming them nothing more than superstitions.

Which is true?

It’s hard to say. And it is impossible to change how others perceive us. Even if we work our backsides off for achieving something, others will see only the success, and not the blood-sweat-tears that went into it. This breeds jealousy and hatred and in turn evil eyes.

So what to do? A wise self-realized soul once told me that chanting Hanuman Chalisa is more than enough to thwart and ward off all the evil eyes in the world. What more can one ask for?!

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What comes out of…

Came across this cool clip of Mahatira ji, where he speaks of some superb advice his father-in-law gave him. It relates to what comes out of us human beings.

Everything that comes out of a human, stinks.
Our breath, it stinks.
Our sweat, it stinks.
Our excrement, it stinks.
Our saliva, it stinks.
Our blood, it stinks.
But we can't control any of these.
There's one other thing that does come out of humans which we can control. Our words. 
And most of the time, our words stink too. 

True isn’t it? Is that what we want? Can’t we speak such that we energize others, empower others, encourage others and empathize with others?

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Goldest globes

The recently concluded Golden Globes happened with a lot of fanfare. As always, I’m guessing. It’s always the same, very high profile event, and rightfully so. I don’t follow it, and hence the “guess”.

It happens every year, and everything is great.

But one specific Golden Globe event stood out for me. The 2016 one.

Jim Carrey won a Golden Globe that year. It was his second Golden. And you know what he said in his speech?

"When I dream, I don't dream any old dream. No sir, I dream of winning a 3rd Golden Globe. Because then it'll be enough."

While part of the audience was laughing, another part was ruminating the power of his words. Jim wasn’t just joking, but also passing on a critical message. When is enough, truly enough?

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Persona non-deada

There’s a nice Turkish TV series called Sahsiyet, which apparently translates to Persona.

It’s about an ex-judiciary employee who starts to suffer from Alzheimer’s. And then decides to consider his lack of memory as lack of a conscience, allowing himself to kill those who he believes have wronged, but who have not received appropriate justice.

This is just the intro plot, which you’ll figure out in the first 15 minutes, so a lot more happens through the series.

One specific scene early on is super.

A post-mortem specialist is working on a body in the morgue. The guy is totally chilled out, enjoying his work, cutting up a dead body, whilst coolly sipping on his coffee. And then he remarks:

"It's so much easier to be here with the dead. Because the dead can't harm anybody, at least not anymore. But the living? The hard part is to get used to the living!"

How true, isn’t it?

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Good and Bad

Here are some outstanding lines from the Ashtavakra Gita:

He who has known that adversity and prosperity come through the effects of past actions is ever contented. 

Notice how it says both adversity and prosperity. Not only prosperity. It’s not only the good experiences and things we have which lead to contentment. Instead, it is the knowledge that both adversity and prosperity come from past karma – that’s what leads to true satisfaction. If something bad happens, it probably resulted from something much more than just what we did an hour ago. If something great happens, it too probably resulted from something more than just last hour’s effort. We must think not just about the outcome, but of the million billion incidents that had to all happen since we were born, in order to bring that specific event to fruition.

He who knows that happiness and misery, birth and death are also due to the effects of past actions becomes free from care and is not attached even though engaged in action.
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Black Pearl

Anyone who even mildly follows football (aka soccer) would immediately know that Black Pearl refers to the one and only Pele. He brought a level of class and charisma to the sport that the world had never witnessed till he came on the scene.

While his football successes are well documented, what is interesting is a song he wrote and performed in a talk show hosted by another football great – Diego Maradona.

The song Pele sang was a self-composition about wanting “a normal life”.

“You want to be me, and I want to be you”, he sang, as if to an ardent fan.

Arguably the greatest footballer in the world at one point in time, wanted nothing more than to be “normal”.

Eveything has its pluses and minuses. If we want to import the positives in someone else’s life, we must be ready to import the negatives as well. It’ll always be a package. That is only normal.

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Newspaper realities

Here’s what I came across while glancing through today’s newspaper:

  • Flying chunks from a construction site hit two bystanders, a mother and son, and kills both instantly
  • A truck full of soldiers falls into a deep ravine and they all die
  • A father is killed by his sons because of an alleged affair, and they burn his body in his own furnace where he used to make snacks
  • An actress commits suicide because a co-actor threatened her
  • A 3 year old died when he fell 5 floors as he was trying to climb a staircase where a glass safety panel was missing
  • 8 temple pilgrims die in car mishap

I did not even have to look past the first 2 pages for the paper for this. If you are reading this and have not faced something so gruesome, then you have the protection of your Guru and the Lord. All we can do is to smile and bask in that good fortune and dedicate our lives to Both of Them.

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Awesome Inferiority

Watch any toddler for a while.

Apart from all the cuteness, what is most striking?

Their complete lack of ego.

They know that they do not know.

They also know that everyone else in the room knows more than them.

Their inferiority complex actually leads to their superiority in learning.

Why do we, as adults, then fear an inferiority complex?

Not that we need to feel inferior about everything. But it is probably a great tactic to enhance learning.

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Fundamentals of life

Here’s what Osho used to say are the fundamentals of life:

Remember, the ordinary person is the one who thinks he is not ordinary. The average person is the one who thinks he is not average.
The moment you accept your ordinariness, you become extraordinary.
The moment you accept your ignorance, the first ray of light has entered your being, the first flower has bloomed.
The spring is not far away.

What do we think of ourselves, as we go about our daily lives? As great accomplished people? Or as anxious, worried, stressed-out victims? Clearly, neither extreme is helpful. Average is beautiful.

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Is there a question here?

A star investor-cum-poker player once had an 82% probability of winning a hand. She was on the biggest stage of her poker life ever. And the prize money was the most she had ever played for too, and so, no pressure at all!

As luck would have it, she lost. It truly was a bad luck moment. From an 82% probability of winning to actually losing. Probability isn’t certainty, as we all know.

At the same event, she met a celebrity international-level poker player and said to him, “Damn it, that was such terrible luck. How I wish I was given a better hand to start with. I hate it when I encounter bad luck. I’m so unlucky”. To which the man simply replied, “Is there a question here?”

Needless to say, the lady was taken aback. And as she herself recounts later, the celeb-champ was not wrong. That guy was more than ready to discuss poker strategies and in-game tactics till the cows came home, but he was least interested in wasting time talking about things that were outside of his control (like bad luck). Nice lesson for me in my daily life!

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How to be an awesome learner?

The world is changing fast. Progressing at an amazing pace. And with that, elders, seniors, those with more experience, whatever you may call it, are getting disrupted. Not just technology but people itself. Pretty much everything I studied in college or university many years ago, is all obsolete. Poof. Gone.

How to survive then? Only by learning constantly. There is no other way. And the best way to learn is to look at Arjuna for tips. Learn from the best learner himself.

What are his attributes?

  1. Being a very patient listener, having sat through 18 Gita chapters with Krishna
  2. Ensuring he understands everything correctly, by asking relevant questions, and
  3. Implementing everything he listens to and understands

Simple, but not easy…

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Uketamo

This term, Uketamo, is a new one that I came across recently.

It is the core philosophy followed by the Yamabushi, who are mountain dwellers in Japan.

Uketamo means, “I humbly accept with an open heart.”

Was expecting a promotion or bonus or wonderful party at home or kids’ exam topping results or spouse’s career advancement or whatever else – but, that didn’t happen? No problem at all, because, “Uketamo”, which means, I humbly accept with an open heart.

What is Uketamo doing here? It is teaching us to accept that which we cannot change. Doesn’t mean we should try or put in our best efforts. But despite all that, sometimes things don’t work the way we think they should. In such cases, it’s okay. Just take a deep breath and Uketamo!

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Bye-byes

Goodbyes are always hard. Unless you are leaving a toxic workplace or a terrible boss.

Even then, there’ll always be some people in the organization that were nice to you, and bidding them adieu isn’t easy.

But the beauty of change, is that when one door closes, another opens up, bringing with it several new relationships and possibilities.

Life on a spiritual level is similar too perhaps. Even at the most difficult time of death, which the Gita speaks about in great detail, the give up of these wordly attachments and cling-ons means that one gets to truly know and meet their Creator. Unless one wants to come back to this cycle of births and deaths of course.

As the poet Rumi noted on his deathbed to his weeping disciple, “Don’t weep, I’m parting ways with this world and getting ready to embrace my greater beloved.”

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Turning the tables

In many parts of the Gita, Lord Krishna mentions that he is only the Watcher, not the Doer. He has only created the Nature around us to function based on certain laws (of nature), and whatever happens thereafter is upon creation, not Him.

Some people question this. How?

By asking why the Lord would not step in where required. Seems very easy to just say, “Okay, I’ve created, and so my part here is done.”. Why not interfere when things are going wrong? If crime is being committed, why would the Lord not come in and take charge? Why does he have to say that he has nothing to do with this?

The answer lies in karmic theory of course. That we each are responsible for what we do, and this karmic record spans multiple lifetimes. But there is another way to think of this as well.

What if the Lord questions us thus, “Hey I created this universe and world and have given each of you the most beautiful planet to live on. I’ve ensured everything is perfect, beautiful nature, bountiful resources and every reason for you to be happy forever. And yet, what have you people done? Are you really happy? Are the resources you’ve been given used properly? Sustainably? Are you all living together in love and harmony?”

The tables have been turned.

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What if I can’t remember the Lord always?

This is a common question every spiritual aspirant gets at some point. Yes, we need to remember the Lord all the time. But when I’m speaking to my friends, browsing Instagram or Facebook, doing my office work, having dinner with family at a restaurant on Friday night, taking the kids to the park, meeting other important deadlines and so on, it’s practically not possible to constantly keep the chanting of the Lord’s name going on in the background. Isn’t it?

So what to do?

Lord Krishna has already addressed this in chapter 12 of the Gita verses 9 to 12. What does he say?

My Guru explains beautifully in his Amazing Simple Gita thus. “Fix the mind and intellect on Him. That’s the goal. Can’t do it? Okay, try next. Practice meditation. Keep practicing. Can’t do this also? No problem, try next. Be intent on working for Him, and you shall attain Perfection. Still difficult? Relinquish fruits of actions in whatever you do, and peace immediately follows.”

The best takeaway from the Gita ever, don’t you agree?

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Miraculous – part 2/2

Surely the greatest thinkers ever, the rishis who had communion with God Himself, they would immediately realize that the planets are too far to make an impact on humans? And yet they persisted. Writing treatise after treatise on astrology. Not just astrology, but also palmistry, and yoga, and ayurveda, and so many other sciences.

It’s alright if it doesn’t appear to make sense or seems illogical. But we should come to this conclusion after spending enough time studying these subjects, should we not?

In my personal experience, while I started as a sceptic, the more I read and learned about these fields, the more I realized these teachers-of-yore were onto something. If anything, my initial scepticism helped build even stronger faith later on. Eventually, it has led to acceptance, that 1+1 is not always 2, and that there are many things I will never fully understand.

Here are some interesting books in no particular order that help satiate a bit of curiosity, while also opening our eyes to newer possibilities. 1) The Aghora series, by Dr. Robert Svoboda, 2) Demystifying Reincarnation by Chaitanya Charan and 3) The Autobiography of a Yogi.

Do let me know what you felt after reading some of these!

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ABCs

In JP Morgan’s recent quarterly commentary, I came across an interesting acronym.

If you read the title of this post, then no doubt you guessed it already.

ABC (duh!).

Here is the statement verbatim.

“We’ve always believed that ABC – Arrogance, Bureaucracy and Complacency leads to stasis and death.”

You don’t usually expect to find such lines in boring corporate commentary, but sometimes such gems do exist in the most unlikeliest of places!

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Directions

We were all set for experiencing the Siddhivinayak Kakad Aarti at 5.30 am. One would have to wake up much earlier maybe 4 am, shower and then reach the temple.

Night owls would consider such trips sacrilege. But those familiar with morning sevas of Indian temples would know this is not such a bad time – given some start at 2 am!

In any case, we were headed to the temple, just on time. Until of course we encountered a road closure. It was tantalizingly close to the temple, while also being far enough that we couldn’t walk to reach on time.

The area wasn’t familiar, and so we didn’t know the bylanes at all. Momentarily, and out of nowhere, in an otherwise deserted street, a car overtook us, as if directed by Someone higher up. The car went ahead, hit the same road closure, took a U-turn, and then proceeded to the take the shortest alternative route to the temple. We obviously followed, quickly, and otherwise would have had zero chance of reaching on time. Divine directions indeed!

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Conflicted

There’s a big conflict in Arjuna’s mind.

He sees a lovely path ahead of him called the Path of Knowledge. Jnaana Yoga.

And then a much tougher one, the Path of Work. Karma Yoga.

Of course he is drawn to Jnaana Yoga. Just “learn” some “knowledge” and run away from the battlefield and be done with all work forever.

But this is only an apparent conflict, borne out of delusion, as Krishna explains to him, and indirectly to us.

There is hardly any difference between the two Paths.

Jnaana Yoga is also a path of work only. Because the true Path of Knowledge gets the individual to realize that it is not work that should be shunned, but only attachment to it and its fruits.

The paths only exist in the mind. To the realized soul, everything is the same.

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Key, da!

“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”, is what French philosopher Pascal once said. Bang on he was of course.

In Hindi, this is also known as ‘keeda’. Well not literally, because keeda only means insect. However, do imagine a small insect running around in your mind, with the latter unable to sit still.

That’s a keeda for you. Everything is perfect, life is great, the job is great, the pay is great, and yet, you want something more. You feel like something is missing, even though to an outsider, your life would look absolutely perfect. That’s a keeda in action.

How to get out of this feeling? Because everyone’s experiencing it most of the time. What’s the solution – the key, da? (to use some Tamil slang as well).

As my Guru keeps saying, the only way, is “to realize the futility of it all”. So many greats have come and gone. Where are all their worries and troubles now? Where will ours be in a 100 years?

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Emoshunned – part 2 of 4

The way we are often asked to deal with emotions is to simply ignore them. When things turn ugly, how many times have we heard “just grin and bear it”, or “this too shall pass”, or “time is the best healer”.

These statements are each true no doubt, but in that very moment, does “not dealing” with the emotions we are going through help us?

Likely not. In her book, Brene lists 87 types of emotions. Wow. That number blew my mind. Eight seven of them, really?

Apparently there are more, but she just chose those she felt were most important, and what we tend to experience fairly regularly.

She also didn’t want her book to be translated into any other languages because she would have no control over the final meaning. For instance, the word shame in English has at least 3 similar but different words in Spanish.

Why is it important to name these emotions properly? More tomorrow…

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6 months to… part 2 of 3

As mentioned yesterday, today’s and tomorrow’s posts will contain some gems from the amazing book 6 Months to Live (available here).

  1. When some people are faced with a life-threatening illness, they lose all hope and wither away. True strength of character is seen when death is faced eye to eye without blinking, without questioning, without self-pity.
  2. “Not everything that is faced, can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.”
  3. We talk about angels in disguise…. What disguise? Here was an angel incarnate, whom God had sent to look after us in those trying times.
  4. The above vacations and participation in various family events just proves that cancer is not THE END of everything. You can almost go about your routine life with positivity and enthusiasm.
  5. Moving on is the best tribute you can give your most loved one who is no longer with you in person.

Concluded tomorrow, with some more gems!

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6 months to… part 1 of 3

There’s an outstanding short-book that I just finished reading.

It’s called 6 Months To Live, and written by Dr. Sangeeta Raman Girdhar.

The book is only about 70-odd pages long, and can easily be finished in one sitting, and within the hour.

But the convenient length of the book not the reason everyone should read it.

What the book captures so beautifully, is a combination of 4 things:

  1. What all a loved one goes through when faced with a terminal disease
  2. What the immediate family of this person goes through
  3. What life lessons and spiritual lessons we can each take away, especially if (God-forbid) put in such circumstances
  4. How to deal with cancer, and even make micro lifestyle changes to prevent it

I’m going to share a few powerful takeaways from the book over the next couple of days, but the book has much more than just these, so do consider reading it. The author is my cousin sister, who is an amazing human being. The least I can do is feature her work on FHN! The book is available here.

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Arrivals

Surely you’ve heard of that neighbor’s son who’s so successful right?

We all live in different apartments, towns, cities, countries and even continents. Yet we all have those “neighbour’s sons / daughters” that we are invariably compared with.

This is not about comparing with others, as much as it is about our own definitions of success. But can we really define our success?

Were we successful when we cleared first grade? Or weren’t we?

How about when we cleared grade 12? How about when we graduated? When we got a job? Or when we got another job, and then another and another? How about when we were promoted to head of a department? Or when we started our own company? Or when we donated a decent sum to the charity of our choice? Or when we were able to use our ‘influence’ to recommend a friend to a good job? Or when we got to the Board of Directors? Or CEO or Chairman of a small company? Of a large company? Of a Fortune 500?

Who decides if we are successful or not? Is it really us? Or is it an arbitrary line in the sand, drawn by someone else, that declares that you have arrived?

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Sunken

“But I am like this only.”

“But this is how I’ve always been doing it.”

“This is how it has been since… forever!”

Heard such statements before? You surely have. Do such statements leave a good impression on you? Probably not. Why? Because we all know, that if we want to get ahead, to improve, we need to adapt and change. But sentences like the ones above, indicate exactly the opposite. Something has been done a particular way, and there is no way I’ll change that.

This actually has a name. It’s called the sunk-cost fallacy. It is also called the Concorde fallacy. That second name was a bit of a giveaway wasn’t it?

This refers to the stubbornness of the governments that made the Concorde. They kept drowning it in cash even after it was clear that it was a commercial disaster. They had already put in so much money and effort, i.e. ‘sunk costs’, that they were just unwilling to change.

We all know the ultimate fate of the Concorde. Would we want to end up like that?

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Memento mori

How did the Ancient Romans manage triumph? Did they let it get to their head? Such a weird question isn’t it?

No, because they actually had a process around it. The process was such, that a victorious general or commander could only enter his home city during a special parade. All the loot and plunder and slaves would be displayed amid great pomp and show.

Bringing up the end of the parade, would be the victorious commander, riding in a chariot.

However, he would not be alone. He would be accompanied in the chariot by an auriga, a slave.

This auriga’s only role during this lavish cavalcade? To continuously whisper the title phrase into the commander’s ears.

“Memento mori, memento mori, memento mori, memento mori…”

“Remember you are mortal, remember you are mortal, remember you are mortal, remember you are mortal…”

What a lesson to be reminded of, at the peak of one’s glory!

And then there are some who gloat, even without achieving any glory… <facepalm>

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Distractions galore

Our lives seem to be full of distractions. The mobile phone, the internet, YouTube… Oh there are so many culpable offenders in my fight against distraction. So many things to do, but just no ability to focus on the various tasks at hand.

But maybe distractions are par for the course simply because the work that is done is chosen poorly. The work is chosen only because the result seems favorable. Some money, some benefits, some perks, some power, some something or the other.

Spirituality keeps on asking us to live in the moment. That only means we’ve to love the work, i.e. the process of working, and not the outcome of the work alone. If instead, we are focused on monthly payday alone, of course distractions will plague us. Even the feeblest of winds can get us to alter course then.

If we look at it this way, then maybe distractions are good, even great. If I’m going to work in an organization for the rest of my life/career but still get distracted easily, maybe that work is not something I truly like? What’s the point in doing something if it’s truly not meaningful enough? Note that meaning is only for the doer – what’s meaningful to me might be nonsensical to another.

The alternative of brainstorming, networking and hustling to get to do what you feel is truly meaningful, is not an easy path. And so for most, it is easy to continue to do what they have been, while cribbing about distractions, while letting the void-for-meaning deep within them, grow stronger and stronger.

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I swear

Here’s a cute scene on TV I saw recently.

A table had a small glass jar with a few coins in it. A label ‘Swear Jar’ is pasted across it. A mother is seen berating her 5 year old daughter’s use of swear words. Every time she says a bad word, the kid needs to put a dollar from her pocket money into the ‘swear jar’.

Like all kids, this one too tries to find loopholes, asking her teacher to “go to shell” and “what the muck” among other such cleverly hidden expletives.

The mother is initially irritated by this behaviour. But it dawns on her that the “swear jar” is not the right approach. If one were to create a rule such that the target person (the 5 yo) can’t even understand (because she is too young to), then of course said target would try to break the rule!

The mother then changes tactics and says something beautiful. “Baby, no more swear-jar okay? That is pointless. But I want you to understand why bad words are not okay. And that’s because bad words make other people feel bad. Now you are such a good girl – surely you don’t want other people feeling bad because of what you say do you?”

“No mommy.”

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Double role

Chapter 2 in the Gita, towards the end, talks of dwandvas, which refers to duality, like two sides of the same coin. This duality is such, that no matter what the situation, the other side will occur as well – whether we like it or not. Life is full of such dwandvas. Night is always followed by day, and day by night. This can never be changed. Pain is followed by pleasure, and pleasure by pain. There is no escaping it. Success is followed by failure, and that failure in turn can lead to great success. Where great joy exists, great pain will follow too.

There are literally countless examples – pretty much everything we see and feel around us. Get too close to somebody? Then the pain of separation will eventually become too much. Love your child too much? One day s/he will have to go away for higher education or marry someone elsewhere. Love your job or role or credentials? One day you will have to retire and all these will become meaningless. Desperately waiting to go on a vacation? Soon the vacation will come to an end and you will be back at work. And thus the cycle continues, on and on and on.

What’s the point of thinking this way? Only to understand and appreciate that this duality is the nature of the world around us. We keep praying to God for many things. Each of those things also comes with the same duality only. We pray for good things to happen to us. But we forget that these good things will by design come with some not-so-good stuff attached. That is the law of life and creation. So if a prayer isn’t answered, maybe we shouldn’t be depressed about it after all?

In any case, there is only one thing that is non-dual. And that singular omnipotent omnipresent omniscient being can be found deep within each one of us.

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How to attain spiritual perfection

Here are three most important requirements which were discussed in a recent satsang.

  1. Humility
  2. Compassion
  3. Ananya bhakti (i.e. constant devotion to the Lord / God / Oneness / Consciousness / Paramatman / Supreme Being etc.)

If we attempt to analyse these a bit more:

Humility comes from accepting that neither do we know everything, nor are we the best at anything.

Compassion comes from accepting that there others more needy than us (usually we are the only centre of our attention).

Ananya Bhakti is harder to grasp and practise. It requires more alertness than the other two. It requires the spiritual seeker to bring God into every aspect of one’s life, into every waking moment, into every voluntary thought and action. A good way to begin, is with gratitude for everything that has already taken place and is currently taking place.

Seen differently, 1 and 2 chop away constantly at the seemingly infallible tree that is the ego. And point 3 replaces it with the only Truth that exists.

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The Great Debate

People of science argue that there is no God. Because science is based on logic. And logic can be proven. And repeatedly so.

People of faith argue that there is a God. Logic is irrelevant to them. Why? Because their own personal experiences have taught them that miracles can and do happen – and if its a repeatable non-coincidence at their times of greatest need – then who cares about logic.

The science folks argue that if God exists, then why do you need technology to improve lives. Why have cutting edge medicine to save lives. Why use computers and mobiles and other amazing inventions? God didn’t invent those did he? Man did. The faith folks argue that the substratum for any ‘inventions’ were not invented by any man or human, but are divine gifts, of which we are mere renters.

This is a never ending debate. But it needn’t be so.

All the ancient scriptures describe God in the same way. As the spark of Consciousness that resides deep within each one of us. Not just us humans, but in all living beings. Not just living, but also inanimate things. Basically everything there is, is just an expression of this Consciousness, but in a multitude of forms. It is this Consciousness spark in humans that is known as intuition, that sometimes results in amazing solutions to problems, that results in great advancements in technology and so on. Seen this way, there is no debate.

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Terminal

Social media platforms are often used in funny ways. Facebook and Instagram are no more places to talk about one’s own life – rather it has become a place to sell one’s wares (and very effectively too sometimes). Linkedin is more about sharing one’s personal life than professional life. Twitter was supposed to be for short messages, but I’ve seen ‘threads’ with 100s of posts too.

The first post on my Linkedin feed today morning was another personal one. It was a tragic post. After seeing countless profiles on Linkedin of people who had succumbed to Covid after being tagged posthumously by their friends, this one was different.

This man posted that he only had a few more months to live – having been diagnosed with terminal cancer. He said with utmost gratitude that he’s enjoyed his life of 60+ years and that he’d had no regrets and that this would be his last post.

The comments that followed had people sympathising with him – that their future would be different without him, and that he should live his best life going forward etc. Given how unpredictable life is, these commenters assume that they will be around longer than him. Not a bad assumption to make – but it’s an assumption nevertheless. What if it weren’t true. Would we live our lives any differently? It’s fashionable to say ‘yes’. But if ‘yes’, then why aren’t we living that different life already?

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Blinded by

There is a medical condition called Anton’s Blindness. It is a real thing. But those affected by it, do not believe it. They think they can see perfectly well. But they cannot, and so when they walk or move around, they bump into objects they cannot see and often hurt themselves.

This sounds exactly like what my Guru would think of me. “Blind fellow, bumping around in the world from one problem to another, and constantly hurting himself. If only he would accept that he doesn’t see the Truth. The Real Truth. That Consciousness that powers everything. And then this acceptance may bring him some solutions. But alas. He is blinded by ignorance, anger, jealousy, greed – you name it. And he seems to enjoy this state of blindness too. What a pity.”

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Lockdown

“Isolation” and “Quarantine” and “Lockdown”. Three words that have suddenly become commonplace, all thanks to the Covid situation. Most people everywhere seem to be cribbing big time. “I’m so sick of staying at home. Just can’t wait for things to open up. I hate this lockdown business. Can’t even go anywhere. I really miss my vacations and international trips.”

But a change in mindset is necessary. An entitled person may think sitting at home unable to travel for pleasure is bad. But how about those people who are isolated in hospital wards, separated from their loved ones, stuck on a hospital bed amongst hundreds of others, breathing into tubes attached to cylinders, with no indication of when their ordeal would end. Isn’t that infinitely worse? And then there are those that desperately need hospitals / ICUs / beds but these are all full. What of them?

As an Indian army jawan noted on his Linkedin post – “Don’t be scared of isolation. My longest spell was on Siachen glacier, lasting 138 days, with 98 days of intense firing. All 19 of us survived 100s of kilos of TNT. I lost 19 kilos of weight, and took bath after 138 days. The minimum temperature was -50-degrees Celcius.”

What are the rest of us cribbing about? We must be deeply cognizant that anyone stepping out for any reason could be the cause for someone else falling sick or losing a loved one. It is our duty to stay indoors and safe, until all this bad news passes.

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Sightful

Here’s an awesome story narrated by Morgan Housel who writes for the Collaborative Fund blog.

Dr. Dan Goodman once performed surgery on a middle-aged woman whose cataract had left her blind since childhood. The cataract was removed, leaving the woman with near-perfect vision. A miraculous success.

The patient returned for a checkup a few weeks later. The book Crashing Through writes:

Her reaction startled Goodman. She had been happy and content as a blind person. Now sighted, she became anxious and depressed. She told him that she had spent her adult life on welfare and had never worked, married, or ventured far from home – a small existence to which she had become comfortably accustomed. Now, however, government officials told her that she no longer qualified for disability, and they expected her to get a job. Society wanted her to function normally. It was, she told Goodman, too much to handle.

Wow, you did not expect that ending to the story did you? It is no surprise that humans are the worst predictors of their own future. Our superpower, nay super-weakness is the ability to isolate exactly one outcome of the future (like more money, fame, here eyesight etc.) that we want, to the exclusion of everything else – often risks – that would automatically accompany that outcome.

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Foggy

Alan Alda, the American actor and 6-time Emmy and Golden Globe winner once said, “Your assumptions are your windows to the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.”

This might seem obvious, but its effective implementation is worth its weight in gold.

The real problem is that these windows are not dirtied by others. They are dirtied by we ourselves, after imagining what others are thinking about us.

So much so, that sometimes being blind is better, as shown in the very popular Marvel TV show called Daredevil. The protagonist has superhero abilities, but cannot see. This lack of vision though, gives him much clarity in other walks of life. Contrast that to his best friend and partner – ironically named ‘Foggy’ – who lives by making large (and silly) assumptions and getting himself into trouble.

Scrubbing our windows needs courage and the ability to recognize that we may have been wrong – often publicly. And it’s infinitely better to be wrong and corrected on Step 1 than on Step 100, by which time, it might be too late.

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Disastittude

  1. She had worked really hard on her presentation. All of last week. Little sleep and plenty of sweat, and tears.
  2. Now it was ready. All external dependencies, and myriad coordinations, checked and resolved, approvals sought.
  3. Mail drafted, and ready to send. This would put her in the upper leagues. People would take notice.
  4. And then came the phone call. Some of her data points in chapter 3 were incorrect. Taken innocuously from a defunct source.
  5. The correction would take time. Maybe a couple of weeks if not more.
  6. Oh what a bummer. She felt like the world came crashing down.
  7. Irritated. Frustrated. She hated delays. She also hated going back to the drawing board.
  8. Then she realized. This was not a disaster, rather, she was saved from one.
  9. Imagine if her email with the wrong presentation and data had gone out. What a mess that would have been!
  10. It was just a week from annual appraisal day too. Her bonus could have been slashed, and promotion rescinded.
  11. Her frustration abated momentarily, and her gratitude for Divinity’s mysterious ways gushed to the fore.
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Fear to become

Have we not feared, every step of our way to today? Those terrible kindergarten days, where we hated being separated from our parents. Moving to a new place, not knowing if we would be accepted in the school there. Joining a sports class, only to be bullied by some of the seniors. Entering the workplace – our very first day at work – the butterflies, the discomfort – is always there. When we are on the cusp of progress, we always have a tendency to look back. Seeing all the obstacles we overcame, we must ideally feel a great deal of strength, knowing that if we go through all this all these years, we can get through anything.

All of this reminds me of Khalil Gibran’s outstanding poem titled Fear. The premise is beautiful. It speaks of a river that has meandered its way through mountains, winding roads, plains, forests, villages and what not. Now the river is in front of the ocean, about to enter it. That’s when it looks back at its journey, and trembles. Seeing such a vast ocean, the river is worried about disappearing into it forever. The rest is too good to paraphrase, so here is the original:

But there is no other way.
The river can not go back.

Nobody can go back.
To go back is impossible in existence.

The river needs to take the risk
of entering the ocean
because only then will fear disappear,
because that’s where the river will know
it’s not about disappearing into the ocean,
but of becoming the ocean.

I get goose bumps each time I read this.

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Carma

At the valet parking area of a renowned 5 star hotel, the owner of an old and tiny Hyundai i10 was waiting for his car to be brought to him.

He watched, as the valets buzzed about, servicing their guests and deftly moving from car to car. One valet drove up in great style in a brand new Mercedes Benz AMG GLE Coupe. The Coupe owner took the keys and handed the valet a crisp couple of notes. The smile on the valet’s face was telling of his satisfaction.

The compact car owner thought to himself, “Wow these valets have it so good. I can’t even dream of driving these sporty beauties. That Mercedes GLE is a special edition model – just 10 of them in the whole world!”

Little did he know the thoughts running in the valet’s mind. “Oh these rich folks – such show-offs. And having to drive their cars? Back and forth, back and forth, from the reception area to the parking lot, a 100 times a day. Can there be anything more repetitive and boring? With the money I make, I barely make ends meet. My school going son would love it so much if I could own even just a simple car. Even an old dilapidated Hyundai i10 would be perfect.”

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2021

A simple but important blog post to ring in the new year. Here are five things for me to work on, so as to get the best from 2021.

  1. Every day, all day, be happy and grateful for everything we already have. Success, money, fame will come automatically.
  2. Zero compromise on health (i.e. proper nutrition and exercise) – for if there’s one thing an invisible virus from 2020 has taught us, it is that without a fit body and mind, everything else is pointless.
  3. Give / donate / help generously and selflessly. This is the only way to purify the mind and intellect. (Why? Because it removes the notion of ego / i-i-i)
  4. Join a satsang and / or actively participate in one. Repeatedly dunking the mind in scriptural knowledge as guided by the Guru and applying it in our lives will fast track our spiritual transformation.
  5. Enjoy every single moment, and look at every stumbling block as an opportunity to improve. As they say, there are no failures, only lessons.

Are these easy to follow? Do you have other things you would like to focus on? Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below. All the best for 2021!

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Shock and awe 2

This is a continuation of the Shock and Awe post from a few days ago. The premise is simple. We only learn when we are shocked or surprised by information – either new, or presented in a different manner. Here are some more such outstanding examples from my Guru’s unparalleled Amazing Simple Gita (life-changing free download!).

  1. It is not the CEO that reaches the Lord. Anyone who is unattached to his position, work, reaches.
  2. If your subordinate is promoted, feel good. No need to resign! (Why?, because “be even minded in success and failure. Evenness of mind is only called yoga.”)
  3. A never ending need, curdles into greed – without our knowledge. Hence our misery.
  4. Seek refuge in equipoise of mind. When this is practised, you seek neither fame, nor wealth nor acceptance from others.
  5. If you do not feel lost or dejected, but feel calm, you have become a yogi.

Aren’t these just mind blowing? So practical. What profundity! Now time to put these into action, step by step, as much as possible.

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You are the best/worst

Since the day we were born, we have only been trying to please others. Why? Not necessarily for others’ sakes. But because it makes us feel good. We love the support, acknowledgement and adulation.

If we’d said the words ‘mama’ or ‘papa’ correctly, we would have been rewarded with big smiles and claps. If we built nothing more than a vertical tower of a few blocks of toys one on top of the other, we would have been showered with hugs and kisses “Wow! My baby is a genius!”.

In school and college as well, getting appreciated by our teachers and professors, and even by our friends and peers was a big thing. No great shakes then that this continues into professional life too. We don’t mind working weekends and late nights, so that we get the accolades from our bosses, in the hope we will be promoted this year or the next.

Think of any famous person – whether politician or actor or chef. How many people like them? How many people do not like them? Their fan following is often deeply divided.

So, is expecting praise wrong? Not at all. But we have become so conditioned by praise that the lack of it throws us into reverse gear. And even worse? We do not know how to deal with the other extreme, which is sharp criticism. Sure, we must not hurt or criticise others. But on the receiving end, we have no control over what others think or say. One bad comment can lead to fear of the future and in some cases even severe depression. We can help our cause by reminding ourselves that it is okay to receive flak. What is in our control – and hence what we can focus on – is our willingness and action to better ourselves and do good for society and the world.

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Why I’m (not) incompetent

As toddlers, when we wanted to speak better, we were surrounded by those who spoke well, and just kept repeating the same gibberish over and over. Today as an adult language learner, if we are in the company of a native speaker, we feel incompetent.

Where we previously studied and memorised many lists for many exams, today we feel incompetent. If someone at the workplace has better ideas than us, or gets promoted, we feel incompetent. Even at home, if a sibling or a cousin achieves more than us, we feel incompetent.

Incompetence is not jealousy, although it could stem from it. Incompetence is only an excuse to doing better, not a solution. It is this very same feeling of incompetence that leads to depression. Despite having everything, an unsolicited and unnecessary comparison to peers throws life off track.

What if we were to just accept the situation and let go? We are not very good at something? Okay so be it. If we can try to improve, then great, otherwise also great. In the long run, values matter more than skills, because skills can be outsourced and values cannot. Incompetence in values can and must be fixed. Peer comparison in skills is a waste of time, but trying to be the best most-humane person? Always a good thing!

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The right age

My Guru, at the age of 81, works 18 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. No this is not like going to office for getting a salary. Rather he works selflessly and tirelessly for others, with zero pay. No bonus, no increments. All assets willed away to charity. Nothing but the future of the world and its good citizens as his sole concern. Yet I have never once seen him complain or display weariness.

Can he control the world around him? Hardly. But himself? Oh his control over his mind is phenomenal. He says he was not always this way. But practise of sacrifice, austerity and charity has made all the difference.

When did he become like that? At age 20? Or 40? Or 60? Or when he started getting white hair? Or after he retired? Or after he had kids? Or after he shifted jobs?

He became like that the moment he decided to, which was well in the prime of his youth. And that is exactly what he and all the other spiritual masters preach as well. While we are busy becoming dizzy in the world, we tend to postpone anything remotely selfless and spiritual to when get ‘older’. Many 70-year olds still give the same excuse!

The decision, and the benefits, are ours.

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Lion king sting

There is a big debate between idealism and spirituality. When a God has said that this is right and this is wrong, why do people not follow it? Why do I not have the freedom to do as I please? Why do people still commit mistakes? Why is the government not stopping these people from doing their (barbaric) acts?

There are staunch feminists who say “I will wear whatever I want. My choice. My freedom.” And that is indeed correct. But the same logic then applies to perpetrators of crimes as well, and they too do whatever they want. We should ideally have a fool-proof legal and judicial system that doesn’t let even a single crime go scot free. But our life experiences tells us that this is far from the truth.

This is not about being feminist or anti-feminist. This is about being practical. If we want to live in a lion’s den, we must prepare well, or else we will become lion food. Yes this is unfair, but that is (unfortunately) the world we are living in. We deal with lions (or worse) day in and day out, and in all walks of life. Some lions also do not look like lions, so it is hard to know what/who they really are. We may also not be spiritually advanced enough to throw our hands in the air and say “Oh Lord you take care of me” as a menacing lion approaches. We may have read and imbibed our scriptures, but the lion has not! Survival first, spirituality (and other things) next.

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Pleasantly good

We touched upon the red pill and blue pill in a post titled The Matrix a few weeks ago – link here. This is a concept that has existed for ages in many Indian spiritual texts, notably in the Kathopanishad.

The blue pill denotes that which is pleasant. The red pill denotes that which is good. Is there a difference between pleasant and good? There certainly is.

What is pleasant, is merely a function of what our sense organs perceive. That yummy looking pizza, that smell of freshy baked cream cookies, the sound of a TV advert asking you to spend the next 2 hours on the couch – are all examples of pleasant things. But are these necessarily good as well? Hardly.

In Sanskrit, the pleasant is denoted by the word preyas, while the good is called shreyas. It follows, that many times, to get the good, the path may not be easy or obvious.

Across many parts of the world, as the coronavirus threat seems to be abating somewhat, many people are throwing caution to the wind, and going on holidays and partying with friends (preyas). Needless to say, some of these have resulted in new infections. While 6 or 8 months spent locked down at home has indeed been painful, can we not wait another 2-3 months (shreyas)? Ask anyone who has gone through the ordeal of having to beg for hospital beds for their loved ones, and then maybe we will realize the gravity of the situation.

The Kathopanishad concludes decisively – “The wise one always chooses shreyas.”

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Brain drain

There was a girl whose name doesn’t matter
Her life was not handed on a platter
No this is not a love story
But one of hope, dedication and glory

She does Uber Eats home delivery
But was herself delivered with cerebral palsy
26 years old and 10 extra courses after college
Still got her no job, despite all her knowledge

She delivers everything on a wheelchair
Of course she isn’t speedy, now is that fair?
90% of her orders are rejected due to inaccessibility
Tough life, but she always smiles like she’s silly

And us? Oh we worry and stress about some triviality
Without smiling or accepting our reality
Damn them little problems we have in life
What with a perfect body and a brain sharp as a knife

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Pay it b/f?

We are all familiar with people who ask too many questions. Whether the school nerd or the nosy (and noisy!) neighbour, there is only so much we can put up with. But this post is not about them. This post is about many righteous good people who ask too less. Not just ask questions, but ask for help in general. Because many times, asking for help is seen as a sign of weakness. The misconception backing this thought is, “I want to be seen/known as a self-made individual.”

But we have got to where we are today, both collectively and individually, only by standing on the shoulders of giants of yore. There are phones with 12 GB RAM today, while entire computers from 3 decades ago barely had 12 MB! We would not have flat screen TVs, if someone hadn’t invented a black & white TV in the first place. The very phrase ‘let’s not reinvent the wheel’ presupposes efforts already put in by several others in the past, using which alone, we are here today.

What often stops the aforementioned righteous folks, is their perceived inability to pay back. The fact of the matter is, we will always be indebted to countless others for many things – at work or otherwise. Our parents for bringing us up, our teachers (and specifically the Guru) for imparting their knowledge, our employers and bosses for recognising our potential and enabling us to grow and likewise for friends, family and others. Therefore, it is impossible to pay everyone back. What we can do, and must do though, is to pay forward. Realising how much we have got, we can try to spread the joy, maybe put in a good word for a colleague, offer counselling / mentoring for students from our alma maters, provide books to the local libraries for free, impart our talents / skills to those around us, among other things.

Once we realise that paying forward is just as good as or better than paying back – we will try to gain the most from others, for selfless purposes, and then selflessly distribute forward. Important to remember, that when we pay forward, we too must expect nothing in return, exactly as those who did for us and brought us to this point.

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Twitterati

A celebrity passed away in a hospital recently. It was a government hospital, not a private one. He was shifted from one to the other, as he did not have money to pay for his treatment at the more expensive one. Nobody stepped forward to help him at the time.

However, soon after his demise, many of his peers took to Twitter to announce their ‘grief and shock’, and some have said they would “take care of his family”, “educate his kids” and what not.

Some might ask, “Where were these people 15 days ago?”

Don’t worry, this is not a long rant on social media. This is life. So what can we take away from this?

  1. Nobody cares. Or at least most people don’t. Or maybe they do, but they are just so caught up in their own mess that they rarely help sort out other people’s problems. It doesn’t make them bad people. Maybe. So instead of being upset, we can take it in our stride. Not for anyone else, but for our own peace of mind.
  2. No matter how much you may help others in this life, you may still leave here in unexpected, and unenviable ways.
  3. Money and fame – that which we covet the most today, could be gone tomorrow.
  4. Health is the real wealth. But hardly anyone wants to be rich in health. But we can buck that. And we can start right now.
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Living in uncertainty

Spirituality is often misunderstood. It is neither about spirits nor about rituals. Rather, it is simply about accepting life as it comes, without being affected by it. While reading about this on a blog might make it seem all too easy, implementing this is the hardest thing in the world.

Imagine you are in the midst of a lecture, addressing a group of students. Suddenly you get a call, and are informed that a loved one has just passed away. What would your state of mind be? Would the whole world just come crashing down in an instant? Yes, highly likely. But not for my Guru – who just continued his lecture as though nothing had happened. This is not to say he has no feelings. Far from it, because he is the most empathetic human being I have ever come across. He used to whimsically take his car out on extremely hot days, so that he could pick labourers up, give them a bottle of water to quench their parched throats, and drop them where they wanted to go. These labourers would otherwise spend hours walking under the scorching sun, almost having their skins peeled off. But my Guru is able to beautifully practise what he preaches – that there is an innate futility of linking ourselves to our material body and possessions.

Living in uncertainty alone is spirituality, as he says. And this is not only in the case of bad news. For good news too, practising restraint is extremely difficult. Imagine someone comes up and says you got a special out-of-turn promotion and bonus that you never saw coming. We quickly take credit for the entire success, and sometimes go so far as to think, “Good, but this itself was a bit late – it should have come last year itself.” Such thoughts never keep us grounded, and our own ego gets in the way of progress. For the good events in life, my Guru credits 100% of the results to God / super-consciousness / Nature / Creation. This too is not because he doesn’t enjoy the moment. Far from it. He revels in every moment – even just while breathing the air around him. However, he realises that revelling too much can only bring attachment, desire and downfall therefrom.

Many seekers nowadays take to spirituality hoping that its various practises will bring them success. In reality, spirituality may not bring success. But it surely prepares the seeker to handle success. And also failure.

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How can I face life?

One of funniest and most heart warming TV shows in recent times is the 15-Emmy nominated Schitt’s Creek. If you haven’t heard of this show, then yes you read the name of the show right. The first time I heard it, I thought – what?! And it certainly wasn’t something I wanted to watch. But watch we did. And the lessons learned were pretty amazing.

The premise is simple yet unique. An opulent family of 4 – father, mother and two adult kids – loses all its wealth overnight. Everything, except the title to a tiny nondescript town in the middle of nowhere. They must move there at once and begin a new life. No maids, no butlers, no hors d’oeuvres in bed, no cars and certainly no money.

Suffice it to say, that the underlying messages packed through each of the episodes are pretty amazing. The family quickly finds that ‘friendship’ is redefined now that their bank balance is zero. The entitled and brattish nature of the young adults is quickly questioned, as all entitlements come with a price, to pay which, one needs money. There are also other beautiful lessons around family values, communication, love, compassion and many others.

Probably the most important one for me, was that everyone has their quirks, and the sooner we accept it, the better it is, for us. We can each be the family in Schitts Creek. Nobody knows what life will hit us with and when. This is not about being pessimistic, but being realistic. If you know today that there is a non-zero probability that disaster can strike in the future, what would you do differently today, with the benefit of hindsight?

One answer, according to me, is to live a life ‘mentally’ as though we’ve lost everything, without practically giving anything away. In this approach, we will find that we value even the smallest of things, make the most out of every opportunity, build robust relationships that go well beyond money, and never take anything for granted. Then success and happiness are guaranteed, irrespective of the actual circumstances – losing everything or not!

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Don’t Open This Email

Emails. Hate them or love them, but you can’t ignore them! Here are some commonly recognisable corporate email styles, and parallels / takeaways for me.

  1. Urgent: Please send presentation to ABC
    Most recipients dread the email with subject line ”urgent’ that comes with a red exclamation mark. Some senders are notorious for originating these. When over used, the urgency is lost. Not unlike the boy who cried wolf.

    Takeaway: It is better to plan in advance, than have to send urgent requests – which can be equally problematic for all parties. There is only so much we can expect from others.

  2. Hi
    This subject line suggests an email on generally nothing worthy. But being the twentieth email in the chain, the topic has now long shifted from ABC to PQR and now XYZ.

    Takeaway: Focus in emailing and in living is underrated. Just ‘doing something’ is overrated.

  3. Hi everyone, request you to please share your comments on ABC
    When a specific actionable is requested of a larger group, and the email is addressed to everyone, you can bet your last dollar that no one will respond.

    Takeaway: Most of the world is in inertia. There is little incentive for anyone to change – whether action or behaviour. If there is something we expect of someone. we must first accept that our expectations may never be met.

There are plenty more, like Replying All – despite no one caring (much like in life, where nobody wants to listen to our nonsense), or ‘not replying at all’ – silence is golden yes, but can be most irritating when one someone is looking for our help. Keeping these in mind could improve our quality of life.

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IIWII

Having spent some time in investment banking, IIWII (pronounced ee-wee) became all too commonplace. Especially in the wee hours of the night, and up against yet another all-nighter. When the eyes get blurry, with sleep fighting against one cuppa coffee too many, certain things will just stop making sense. Why does the MD want this presentation to be ready by tomorrow morning itself? Why do these numbers not add up? Where is the excel backup for this chart? Why are the footnotes for this company’s financials so opaque? Why am I even working here?

IIWII is the answer to all these questions and more. “It is what it is”. Every senior i-banker who has gone through the same grind will attest to it, nod as if cognisant of your deepest pain, and allow you to continue slogging away. It is what it is, and there is no changing it.

Life is also IIWII.

Where you were born, the work you are doing today, the people you live with it, the circumstances you are in today etc. etc. are all IIWII, at least to some extent, in the short term. These cannot be changed overnight. There are other bigger grander IIWIIs too. Like existential questions – Why was I born? Why should I die? Why do good people go through such tough times? Why do bad people go scot-free? Why is the world like this?

Nobody has the answers. The only way out then, is to get rid of the questions themselves. This can happen either automatically, over many many years. Or, one can focus on helping others and dedicating their lives in service of others. The latter is a fast track and sure shot way, of not just letting go of the questions, but also letting go of all our life’s troubles – as we would be too busy focusing on others to think about our silly problems.

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The Suit

In a previous avatar, a colleague and I were leaving office for the day. It was the last day of the week – and also casual wear day. We entered the lift, and the doors were about to close. Just then, someone cried out “Hold the door please!”

I pressed the ‘< >’ button.

The always formally dressed Global Head of Sales walked in. “Thanks!”, he said. My colleague, who was looking at his phone, looked up and said “Hi Sam!”, only to realise a moment later that this wasn’t Sam. Sam was the CEO, also always formally dressed. My colleague apologised, “I’m sorry Neil, I only saw you from behind, and mistook you for Sam, who also always wears a suit”.

“No worries”, said Neil. “But I wish I was Sam. My annual take home pay would be higher by 2 million.” The lift door opened, and after weekend pleasantries were exchanged, Neil went on his way, and we ours.

The lesson to me was not new. But it proved yet again, that no matter how high up we go, or how much money we make, it is never enough.

The ancients teach us, that all sorrow and suffering in the world stem from overtly dwelling on sense objects. This leads to attachment, which in turn leads to desire (unfulfilled) which then leads to anger, delusion and ruin. Something to think about.

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The writing on the wall

True story. A 16 year old spoilt brat behaves in the worst manner possible. Being the only child, his mother had spared no opportunity to pamper him. She turns a blind eye to all his antics and tantrums. That he is egoistic and puerile, is instantly obvious to everyone around him.

True story. A 40 year old woman, with no independent income source, 2 young kids, and a husband in a low-paying job, is crazy about shopping for designers bags and shoes. Where they can barely make ends meet, the lady is focused on adding to her collection, much to the ire of her husband. The whole neighbourhood knows of her frivolous excesses.

True story. A 55-year old senior executive at a private technology firm, regularly mistreats his employees and team members. Many have quit. New replacements join despite the culture, but only for desperation of employment. The team morale is low, and productivity has dropped off a cliff.

True story. A 70 year old man, always treated by his wife as her living God, continues to treat his wife like his slave. No matter what she does to please him, he continues to express his disgust. Neighbours, well-wishers and visitors can quickly identify the problems with the thankless curmudgeon.

It is better to live a life where we discharge our duties smartly and effectively, rather than being deluded by our attachment. The primary duty of a mother is to discipline her children (for their own betterment), while a homemaker’s is to efficiently allocate resources to run the home. That of a leader is to enable his team to grow and a husband must support his family, beyond just money. These are but a few examples.

More often that not, the writing is on the wall. The signs are there for everyone to see. But many choose to close their eyes, and ignore the inevitable.

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A tale of two sitys

The Indian ‘thaali’ is a lovely sumptuous meal. Rice and roti (bread) are served on a large plate, inside which smaller cups pack a variety of items. When prepared well, the thaali can be as nutritious as it is diverse.

But there is a catch to this diversity. We cannot pick and choose the items we are served. A thaali by default comes with a set menu of items only.

Life is like a thaali.

Some events leave a sour taste in our mouths, while others can leave us drooling for second servings. The salty and spicy days make way for the sweet finale. And so the cycle continues.

Just like we cannot eat only dessert for all our meals forever, having only (seemingly) positive outcomes in life isn’t ideal either.

Why? Because if we are to learn and grow, we need adversity. Let us learn to embrace it.

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The package of imperfections

Man is a social animal. But being in the company of others, can often dent one’s self confidence.

You may have got into Harvard/Yale/Stanford, only to realise how much more brilliant than you some students are. You may have picked up the guitar at 30 or 50, only to realise YouTube is full of child prodigies. You may think you sing well, but find out your neighbour’s kid just got selected to The Voice / Idol. You may be good at working your excel sheets, only to realise the new kids on the block also code VBA and Python with Excel. You have been working on your foreign language skills the last 2 years, when an ultra-learner does an immersion program for 6 months and gets hired as an interpreter. You may have been taking baking classes the last many years, but the neighbour that recently moved in sets up shop and sells the most delicious cakes.

None of this is inherently bad, until it gets to you. The feeling that you are losing the race. The feeling that everyone is better than you. The feeling that you are incompetent. The negatives can spiral fast.

What to do? Simple. Forget perfection. Aim for diversity. And combine them skills all into one package – you! I call this the Mosaic Man.

You may not be the best in each of the things you do. But as a package – Harvard + guitarist + singer + excel noob + French speaker + baking-lover —> there is only 1 you!

We each must list down our skills, and string them together into a package. No packages in the world are exactly alike – with the same background, life experiences, skills and ambitions. Therefore our packages are unique, and awesome.

We can and must also keep adding to our skills package. Because variety is the spice of life. Go create your own mosaic!

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Enjoy the Unjoy

Maybe you’re stuck in the worst job, with the worst boss. Or maybe you’re stuck in the worst relationship, with the worst partner. Or stuck with the worst degree, in the worst college.

The circumstances we find ourselves in right now may be hard to change immediately.

The tools we are given must be accepted. But the design we create with those tools is on us. And in the process, we may chance upon better tools as well.

How can we do this? Only by loving and enjoying what we are already doing, irrespective of what we are doing. We must find the positives, even if only temporary. There is no other way.

But I don’t enjoy my job, you say? No one does. Given a choice, most people would prefer to become a couch potato, or maybe ‘find their passion’. Whatever that goose chase is about!

Interestingly, the entire of the Bhagavad Gita never once mentions whether one should be in this profession or that. But only about how to do the work associated with any profession.

It helps if we accept that the circumstances in a way stem from our own past karmic doing, from this life or before. It helps because we can begin to sow the seeds for better future circumstances.

If we anyway have to do our jobs, deal with our partners, study what we are studying – we might as well do it happily. Because being unhappy about it will only increase anxiety. Our positive energies will dissipate. This will prevent us from spending time on finding and building toward new circumstances quickly – that dream job at Google, that dream partner from Hollywood, that dream Harvard MBA.

The future can certainly be changed. Dreams can surely materialise. But only if we begin to enjoy the now, now.

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Lifelong vacation

Oh that awesome vacation I had planned. Pristine beaches. Stunning landscapes. Yummy food. Alas, COVID19 threw my plans into disarray. Surely a lot of us have heard of or experienced this in the last few months.

We all love vacations.

Especially the first 2 of the 5 days. Aren’t they just the best!

Day 3 is spent partially enjoying, and partially thinking about getting back to work. Day 4 has a lot more office thoughts, and lot less vacation. Day 5 is practically a write-off.

Why are only days 1 and 2 the best?

Because that is when we are completely immersed in the moment. There is no thinking about anything else.

But downhill begins therefrom.

What if we could live every single day like day 1 of our vacations? Not think one minute about the future or one minute about the past. But to consciously train our minds to live in the now.

Difficult? Perhaps. But it took us ~50,000 attempts to sit upright as kids or learn to speak or learn to put food in our mouths. All very difficult tasks for a toddler. We did not give up then. We would likely need way lesser attempts now.

A lifelong vacation beckons.

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Full steam ahead!

Robert Iger, the ex-CEO of Disney Inc. has a fascinating story in his memoir – The Ride of a Lifetime. After the ouster of the company’s previous Chairman and CEO, the Board announce they will look at possible candidates. Mr. Iger, the best contender for the job, was worried about how he should neither look good at the expense of his ex-boss’ mistakes, nor come across as diffident, something a new CEO would never be selected for.

Which is when a political consultant and branding expert reaches out to mentor him. His advice is not new, yet it is nothing short of golden. He said that Mr. Iger need not rehash the past, and defend or criticize anyone.

Instead, he had to think forward and move forward, definitively.

We are often in similar positions, seemingly handcuffed by things either we did or others did in the past. It doesn’t have to be that way, as long as we decide that history is…history!

Nobody likes someone forever wallowing in the past. What has happened cannot be undone. But in the future lies a great realm of possibility.

We must unshackle ourselves from the past and embrace the uncertainty. Maybe not because we want to. But because there is no other way. At least we can attempt to enjoy the time ahead!

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Unlonely

When we are by ourselves, we tend to think negative, project a dystopian future, and find faults in our various imperfections.

Wish I was thin or had a better skin or a better chin. Or was taller, and muscular. Or shorter and less muscular. There is no end to this downward spiral.

Researchers recently found that loneliness is as lethal as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

One may physically be in the midst of people, and yet lead a lonely life. Think celebrities, who are inundated by fans (and money) and still suffer from depression. How do we solve this?

Maybe we can attempt to connect with others more. It wouldn’t hurt to smile at a stranger in the elevator for instance. There’s a high likelihood of getting a smile in return! Or we can stay immersed in books, movies, music and art.

Key though, is that none of this is truly external dependent. If we can be lonely in the company of others, maybe we can be unlonely by ourselves.

The mind must be trained repeatedly to accept who we are. Can we be better in the future? Certainly. But for right now, we each are just perfect.

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It’s Time To Party!

My Guru gave me a special invitation to his lavish Millennium Party.

He said, “Every person who attends the party, would be gifted a mansion worth US$ 10 million, two Rolls Royce cars, and US$ 25 million wired to their accounts.”

The catch? Each invitee must come in-person, to collect their gifts. The Millennium Party will happen (you guessed it) in the year 2120.

Everyone reading this today would be a 100 years older. Our kids would be great-great-grandparents, their kids would be great-grandparents, their kids would be grandparents, their kids would be parents and some from the youngest generation would have just started working!

Not even one person from today’s 8 billion population will be alive to make it to the party.

Our end is clear, yet we live a life full of one-upmanship.

As Mahatma Gandhi aptly put it, “There is enough in this world for everyone’s need, but not enough for even one man’s greed”.

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