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Category: love

8Rules (part four): The Everlasting Journey of Love

8Rules (part four): The Everlasting Journey of Love

Published September 3, 2023

In the concluding chapters from Jay Shetty’s “8 Rules of Love,” we are introduced to a powerful and uplifting perspective on love’s boundless nature. The eighth rule, “Love Again and Again,” is a celebration of love’s infinite potential. Love isn’t a one-time experience or confined to a single chapter of our lives. It is not a finite resource. It’s an ever-evolving journey, filled with countless opportunities to love, learn, and grow.

Shetty encourages us to view love as a continuous process, not limited by past experiences or future apprehensions. Every interaction, every shared moment, and even every setback is an opportunity to practice love. It’s about opening our hearts, breaking down barriers, and embracing the world with renewed passion and hope. Whether it’s the love between partners, the love for a friend, or the love for oneself, every form of love is valuable and transformative.

This rule is a reminder that our capacity to love is limitless. No matter the challenges we’ve faced or the heartbreaks we’ve endured, there’s always room to love again. It’s about recognizing love’s boundless beauty and allowing it to guide us through life’s many twists and turns.

In this boundless journey, every day presents a fresh canvas, allowing us to paint a new chapter in our ever-evolving love story, filled with hope, passion, and endless possibilities.

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8Rules (part three): The Resilience and Renewal of Love

8Rules (part three): The Resilience and Renewal of Love

Published September 2, 2023

The sixth rule, “Win or Lose Together,” is a testament to the resilience and unity required in love. Relationships aren’t always about sunny days and calm seas; there are storms to weather and challenges to face. But it’s not the challenges themselves that define a relationship; it’s how we face them. Do we let them pull us apart, or do we face them hand in hand, united in our resolve? Jay Shetty emphasizes the importance of solidarity in love. It’s about standing together, supporting each other, and emerging from challenges stronger and more connected.

But what happens when, despite our best efforts, love takes a different turn? The seventh rule, “You Don’t Break in a Breakup,” offers solace and hope. Breakups, while painful, are not the end. They can be a new beginning, a chance for introspection, growth, and self-renewal. Shetty reminds us that endings can also be opportunities. They offer a unique chance to rediscover oneself, to reflect on the relationship, and to prepare for a brighter, more informed future in love.

Together, these rules teach us about the resilience of love and the strength that can be found in both togetherness and endings.

Rule 8, and conclusion tomorrow!

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8Rules (part two): Navigating the Depths of Love

8Rules (part two): Navigating the Depths of Love

Published September 1, 2023

In the continuation of Jay Shetty’s “8 Rules of Love,” we are introduced to the third rule, which challenges our very perception of love. What is love? Is it just a fleeting transient emotion, or is it something deeper, more profound?

Shetty prompts us to “Define Love Before You Think It, Feel It, or Say It.” It’s a call to introspection, urging us to articulate this complex emotion. Love transcends the physical passion and the initial fluttering butterflies. It’s about shared dreams, mutual respect, and a deep, unspoken bond that ties two souls together. Now what you expected no?

As we traverse this path, the fourth rule shines a spotlight on the role of our partners in our love journey. Titled “Your Partner Is Your Guru,” this rule is a testament to the invaluable lessons we glean from our significant others. They become mirrors to our souls, reflecting our strengths, highlighting our vulnerabilities, and constantly pushing us towards personal growth. Through the ups and downs, the joys and challenges, our partners teach us about love, life, and most importantly, about ourselves.

Embracing these lessons can transform our love life into a journey of continuous learning and growth, where every moment spent with our partner becomes an opportunity for self-discovery.

Continued tomorrow, and day after!

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8Rules (part one): The Foundations of Love

8Rules (part one): The Foundations of Love

Published August 31, 2023

In Jay Shetty’s interesting book, “8 Rules of Love,” he delves deep into the intricacies of love, unraveling its many layers.

The first rule he introduces is the significance of solitude. Contrary to popular belief, solitude isn’t about feeling isolated or lonely. Instead, it’s about valuing introspection, taking time to understand oneself, and laying the groundwork for genuine love. Through self-reflection, we discover our deepest desires, confront our fears, and prepare ourselves for the love we truly deserve.

Shetty then introduces the second rule, emphasizing the role of karma in our love lives. Every action we take, every choice we make, and every relationship we’ve had leaves an indelible mark on our souls (across multiple janmas or births I’d think!). These past experiences shape our present and future, influencing how we approach love. Recognizing and understanding this karmic journey is essential. It’s a profound lesson in accountability, teaching us that our past actions, both good and bad, play a pivotal role in our current relationships.

Together, these two rules set the stage for a love that’s both introspective and expansive. They remind us that genuine love starts with understanding oneself and acknowledging the forces that have shaped our love journey.

More rules, tomorrow!

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Love and happiness?

Love and happiness?

Published November 29, 2022

When you see an animal that is hurt, do you feel sorry for it? Do you try to help it? Or do you pelt it with stones? Harming an innocent animal may not even occur to most of us, and yet there are people (and kids) who take pride in causing such harm. Maybe it shows some false sense of being in control?

How abnout removing stones on the path to prevent some bare feet from getting hurt? Or to remove a nail from the road to prevent a tyre puncture? This is all nothing but being sensitive, being attuned to the needs of others, as the great Jiddu Krishnamurthy would say.

This set of feelings for those around us, is not coming because these other people are ours, but because we are aware of the divinity and beauty inside everything.

Love is being sensitive to others. Doing things for others, irrespective of what others may do back, no different from what a mother does for her baby. When the heart is filled with love and affection, it becomes happy. And this happiness itself is nothing but God.

Love = happiness = God

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Educated guess

Educated guess

Published September 8, 2022

When someone says they are educated, what is it that comes to mind?

School, college, university, 12th grade, board exams, coding, chemistry, MBA, Harvard, Stanford, MIT, IIT, IIM, doctor, lawyer, engineer, CAT, UPSC, JEE. These could be a few of the top ones.

All good.

This is indeed what education means today.

What about character building? What about spirituality? Self discipline? Values of love, truthfulness, goodness and nobility?

But is this all?

Today’s education is mostly about living off of others, one-upmanship – always gaining something at someone else’s expense, always wanting more. More and more. The wants never stop.

True education is in our scriptures. They teach us that we should live not for ourselves, but for others.

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The essence of Krishna

The essence of Krishna

Published August 26, 2022

Krishna tells us to do and follow a lot of things via the Gita. But here’s how Krishna himself followed these (suggested) rules in such a cool manner:

  1. He is always cheerful. His life has been one chock a block full of problems – demons, enemies, asuras, his own people, his birth itself into a poor family etc. But he is ever smiling, even on the Kurukshetra battlefield!
  2. He has zero expectations. Why did the Pandavas fight the war? To get back their kingdom. Why did the Kauravas fight the war? To retain the kingdom they had usurped. Why did Krishna fight the war? Only for dharma, as he would have got no material possession either by winning or losing the war.
  3. He exemplified non-attachment. He was born in Mathura, raised in Vrindavan, lived later in Dwarka. He never kept cribbing that he misses his home town and that he wants to go back. So many people come and go from his life but he was always unattached.
  4. He personifies love. Never once would he not come to the rescue of his devotees.

Krishna led by example. We must only try to follow whatever little we can.

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Unconditional

Unconditional

Published May 2, 2022

The world is struggling with racism.

It’s not just about black or white, but even shades within each.

Income inequality adds salt to the wounds.

As do title, wealth, power and status.

But all of this is acquired.

Observe any baby. Like an 8 month old.

They don’t care about your height or weight or the bald head or the mole on the chin.

They don’t even care if you are the parent, or the nanny.

They love unconditionally. That’s life in its purest form.

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Godliness

Godliness

Published February 10, 2022

There’s an absolutely beautiful bhajan called Achyutam Keshavam on Lord Krishna. It’s beauty lies not just in its melody, but primarily in the simplicity and depth of its lyrics. It’s in simple Hindi, but a quick translation of the 4 key paras follows:

  1. Who says God doesn’t come? Have you tried calling Him like Meera (one of His foremost devotees) did?
  2. Who says God doesn’t eat the food we offer Him? Did you offer food with the same love as did his devotee Shabari?
  3. Who says God doesn’t sleep? Did you put him to sleep with the same affection as Mother Yashoda (i.e. Lord Krishna’s mom)
  4. Who says God doesn’t dance? Did you try making him dance like the gopis (Krishna’s fellow cowherds) who loved Him so dearly?

Such a sweet and simple bhajan isn’t it? The Lord doesn’t require big material displays, but only a modicum of true affection.

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6 months to… part 3 of 3

6 months to… part 3 of 3

Published January 22, 2022

Continuing from yesterday, here are some awesome snippets from the book 6 Months to Live by Dr. Sangeeta Raman Girdhar.

  1. If you are taking life for granted, all you need to do to come around, would be to go to any big multi-speciality hospital and go to the cancer ward, and ask someone with cancer, what he or she would give for just one more day of life.
  2. Have no resentments towards anyone. Everyone behaves in a particular way because of what they are going through. It has nothing to do with you. Everyone is carrying their own baggage of problems.
  3. Why we are afraid of the death of a loved one? Have you ever given it a thought? What do we fear? Why are we so scared of our close ones leaving us? In our minds, it’s not that I love her too much, she cannot die…but it is, what will happen to me if she dies? How will I manage? How will I cope? I won’t be able to live without her…I won’t be able to manage. I won’t be able to handle life without her presence… See? Where are we thinking of the person concerned in this? All we are worried is about ourselves.
  4. Our loss was immeasurable… but then, so was the love she left behind for us… and the memories…

    Do consider reading this impactful quick-read book (available here). There were a lot of eye openers for me.
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Scare away

Scare away

Published November 18, 2021

One of the reasons why people run away from spirituality is because of perceived impracticality. Like getting rid of attachments.

Whoa, getting rid of my attachments? This means I should not be attached to my spouse, my parents, my kids, my relatives, my friends… Surely I do not want to let go of all these people. Is this what spirituality is telling me to do? To shun them away? To live a solitary existence?

Absolutely not. This is the perception of impracticality right there, and also why a Guru is so important – because such a person can not only demystify what is advocated, but also apply it to our present times.

“Don’t be attached”, doesn’t mean do not love the people around you. It only means do not be conditional in your approach. If we love (not the romantic type) only one person, then it likely means we are deriving something conditional from that relationship, and that is the reason for the love. This is transactional. It doesn’t free us, rather only binds us even more.

True love, is selfless. Much like God would love each one of us – equally, impartially, or a mother would, her children.

Love is not a finite currency. The more we give, the more we are automatically replenished with.

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Humble prostrations

Humble prostrations

Published September 2, 2021

Here’s how my Guru began his address to the satsangis this year during Guru Purnima.

He called out a variety of different Gurus across all sorts of sects. He mentally and verbally prostrated before all the great Gurus of yesteryear and now.

He paid obeisance to all the great rishis and munis and saints of the past. He also prostrated to Swami Chinmayananda, Srila Prabhupad, Sri Sri Ravishankar, Sadhguru, Sathya Sai, Shirdi Sai and all the other divine personalities. He also said we are prostrating daily to them. Not just to them, but also to their followers!

My Guru is 80+ years of age. He need not prostrate to anyone. But a self-realized soul understands that the age of the body is irrelevant, and that at our cores, we are all divine, and that there really is no difference. I’ve seen him physically fall at the feet of those who are much younger than him as well.

His prayer on Guru Purnima day was not for himself. Rather it was that we must all understand this divine unity within us, and love each other. And that the love must begin from each one of us, and spread outward. What humility, and what a thought!

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Coochie

Coochie

Published July 11, 2021

Under the same roof:

If one coochie-coos with a baby, and the baby likes it, onlookers may say the baby loves that person.

If one coochie-coos with a baby, and the baby likes it, onlookers may say the person loves that baby.

If one coochie-coos with a baby, and the baby likes it, onlookers may say the baby is getting attached to that person.

If one coochie-coos with a baby, and the baby likes it, onlookers may say the person is getting too attached to the baby.

No matter what one does, someone will not like the coochie cooing. Oh what a mess only.

Think this is a mess? Ask the family that just lost its babies, or mommies, or other love-givers.

Adult humans are wired to find fault. Only not in themselves.

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Divorced from reality – part 2

Divorced from reality – part 2

Published May 6, 2021

Twitter has been awash with memes and posts on the recent divorce announcement of a tech mogul.

No more comments on that.

But one thing that did come up was an interesting thread written on the “gradations of the rich”. The premise is that we usually think rich = awesome = same benefits. But one guy has gone into more detail. All ‘rich’ is not equal. Pretty interesting:

  1. Net worth US$ 10m to 30m – all needs met, fly first class, 4/5 star stays, some business stress, not yet ultra HNI
  2. NW US$ 30m to 100m – fly private jet, multiple global residences, own big company, own cool cars, socialize with elite
  3. NW US$ 100m to 1bn – all of above + socialize with movie stars, corporate elite, any car you want. But very hard to find family and friends who love you for who you are, i.e. irrespective of your money
  4. NW US$ 1bn+ – You can literally buy access, influence, experiences, impact, respect and even time (by saying no to things/anyone that were otherwise not possible). But even at this level, one thing you cannot buy is love. Why? Because to love someone means to sacrifice for that person. But all the money you have means you never need to sacrifice anything. Probably explains why the top 10 richest people in the world have 13 divorces amongst them

In any case, it is not easy to be at the top of this list, always having to look over your shoulder. Thoughts?

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Bharatha 600BC

Bharatha 600BC

Published April 22, 2021

There is an awesome board game called Bharatha 600BC, created and released by a company called GoIndia Games. It’s quite unique because such games that are made in India are rare. The map of the game itself is beautiful – featuring ancient India from – you guessed it – 600 BC!

The game makes for fun family bonding time – especially offering a clean hour or three. ‘Clean’ meaning no screen diversions (mobiles, tablets, TVs etc) – wow is that even possible these days?

The board game has plenty of paths to victory – and one can use tact, strategy, battle, speed, rationing (i.e. hoarding) of resources, using special cards – you name it.

One interesting thing that happens when we play with my mother, is that she will never battle, and she will also always ‘give up’ resources for the rest of the family to win. “Oh, how can I battle my own son!”, or “You want resources, here take mine” – much to the groans of others “come on ma, this is supposed to be a competitive game – leave your familial bonds aside!”

While there are groans during the game, one must look behind the curtain. The motherly love kicks in with feelings of compassion overruling everything else – and not just during board games but even otherwise. What if we too can apply such compassion/empathy all the time. Just like the Guru does. Wouldn’t that be the true application of everything we learn in our scriptures?

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Reply

Reply

Published March 5, 2021

Is there a way to make someone happy and praise them while also keeping the bar high? Here’s how my Guru did it once.

Many years ago, one of the satsangis went to him for advice. The satsangi was a bit nervous, as he told Guruji that this was his first time speaking in public on the Gita, and that he was a little scared. Guruji asked him which chapter was assigned to him. He said, “Chapter 7, Guruji.”

Guruji replied thus:
1. Wow, chapter 7, such a beautiful chapter, I’m so happy you got it! [infusing happiness]
2. You know what? My first talk too was on chapter 7. It is easy, and I know your capability, you can do it. [genuine praise]
3. I also prepared hard for it – I had read the chapter over 500 times, so that my session is worth my audience’s time. [setting the bar high]

Isn’t this such an inspiring reply, and something for us to learn?

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True greatness

True greatness

Published February 21, 2021

Traditionally, we equate greatness to money, wealth, fame, riches, cars, bungalows, yachts, CEOs, Chairmen, senior management, foreign travel, foreign vacations, first and business class, limousines and a variety of other things.

But Martin Luther King Jr. had the final word on this.

Everybody can be great…because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.

He understood that greatness wasn’t about oneself, but how much one could use themselves for others.

No different from what Lord Krishna states in the Gita. As my Guru observes in the purport after chapter 13 verse 26 in his Amazing Simple Gita, “Many missions have realized that if we keep only the goal of realising the Lord we will tend towards laziness with only arguments and discussions. Prabhupad for example made it very clear that devotion means devotional service, chanting sixteen malas, trikala pooja etc is important but afterwards what will we be doing – we should be doing seva (service), spreading this knowledge, making more and more people noble and good.”

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Extrama

Extrama

Published January 24, 2021

We had an interesting discussion during satsang a few days ago. It was on a topic called Unlawful Love, authored by Thiruvalluvar in the Kural. The author has written with such emphasis, “It may seem all too easy to err with another’s wife, but the disgrace will be irredeemable for all time”.

There are so many examples of people ruining themselves and their images, simply because they couldn’t control themselves. Ravana lusting after Sita, Shantanu (nearly on his death-bed) lusting for the fisherwoman Satyavati, the Bill Clinton – Monica Lewinsky affair, Tiger Woods and his extra maritals – the list goes on.

This is perhaps not so different from discontentment with our money, gadgets, cars, houses etc. We just want more and more. And quickly get bored. We can probably replace a car or gadget with a newer model, but doing that with a wife / husband? Treacherous!

The challenge lies in the motive behind marriage. For most, it is purely physical, maybe a little emotional. To find someone who can act as a bottomless pit for their partner’s worries and troubles of life. But the wisdom of the ancients suggest that marriage primarily had a deeply spiritual component. The word vivaah in Sanskrit I’ve read means ‘to flow together’. Flow where? Towards liberation, which is the dharma of each individual. Interesting also then is that the sanskrit word for wife is dharmapatni.

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2021

2021

Published January 1, 2021

A simple but important blog post to ring in the new year. Here are five things for me to work on, so as to get the best from 2021.

  1. Every day, all day, be happy and grateful for everything we already have. Success, money, fame will come automatically.
  2. Zero compromise on health (i.e. proper nutrition and exercise) – for if there’s one thing an invisible virus from 2020 has taught us, it is that without a fit body and mind, everything else is pointless.
  3. Give / donate / help generously and selflessly. This is the only way to purify the mind and intellect. (Why? Because it removes the notion of ego / i-i-i)
  4. Join a satsang and / or actively participate in one. Repeatedly dunking the mind in scriptural knowledge as guided by the Guru and applying it in our lives will fast track our spiritual transformation.
  5. Enjoy every single moment, and look at every stumbling block as an opportunity to improve. As they say, there are no failures, only lessons.

Are these easy to follow? Do you have other things you would like to focus on? Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below. All the best for 2021!

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Rub it in

Rub it in

Published October 1, 2020

Contrary to expectations, animals do not always crave food from us, although they would certainly like it if we brought some along!

There’s a kitty in the area where I live. I’d taken some milk with me today when I went down. The cat was half asleep as most cats always are (apparently some sleep up to 18 hours a day!).

He didn’t seem to care that I’d got him some food. He looked up for a bit, then yawned and stretched and went back to sleep. I tried making some sounds, some hand claps, some fake (and ridiculous sounding) “meow”s. Nothing. No interest at all today.

What he does love though, is for me to sit on the parapet, and then to perch himself on my leg so that he can enjoy a good long neck rub. And because a picture is a worth a 1000 words, the image up top is him caught in the act 🙂

The moment I sat down today, his ears perked up, his head turned in my direction, he did a super quick stretch, and he was next to me in under three seconds. I wonder where his sleep vanished!

People are no different. We try to impress others with our money, our possessions, our skills, our diction, our knowledge, our credentials and many many other things. But the only thing we need, to truly win them over, is our love and affection. If we treat others with love, then it doesn’t matter if we are poor or dumb – people will flock to us.

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