Category: Ego

In the amazing new Christopher Nolan movie Oppenheimer, there are several outstanding scenes and dialogues. No spoilers here, but one particular dialogue was super.

In a moment of personal tragedy and difficulty, the protagonist approaches his friend for help. He knows his life is in a shambles, and he remarks, “We are selfish and awful people, but please help us.”

To which his friend counters, “Truly selfish and awful people never admit that they are selfish and awful.”

The power of words!

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In the realm of communication, the power of ‘I’ is often underestimated. In his insightful book “Magic Words”, Jonah Berger explores how the use of ‘I’ can shape our interactions and perceptions, turning it into a tool for ownership and authenticity.

Berger suggests that using ‘I’ can make communication more personal and authentic. When we say “I found that…”, it makes it clear who did the work. It’s a way of taking ownership of our actions and thoughts. It’s a way of saying, ‘This is my perspective. This is my contribution.’

However, Berger also notes that using ‘I’ can make the findings seem more subjective. It raises questions about the universality of our findings. Would anyone else have found the same thing, or are our findings based on the choices we made while conducting the project?

So, the use of ‘I’ is a double-edged sword. It can enhance the authenticity of our communication, but it can also introduce a level of subjectivity. The key is to use it judiciously, depending on the context and the message we want to convey.

Now, you might be thinking, ‘Isn’t the use of ‘I’ a sign of egotism?’ It’s a common perception, but Berger offers a different perspective. He suggests that the use of ‘I’ is not about promoting oneself but about taking responsibility. It’s about saying, ‘I am accountable for this.’

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We keep reading about and coming across this concept of “giving up the ego”. What does it really mean? How will we feel after the ego is gone? Does it mean we will not have any identity left?

Here is a take from Swami Niranjanananda Saraswati:

If you begin to carve a statue out of a stone, what self-identity is the stone losing? None; rather, it is developing a new identity that will be witnessed and appreciated by many people. Similarly, in spiritual life there is no loss of self-identity; rather the distorted perceptions are corrected, the aggressive ego expressions are redefined, the new wiser you, the new creative you, becomes the new identity.

Interesting, isn’t it? Now if I could just make my ego go!

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Everyone knows pride and ego are bad. And yet there’s no dearth of these around us. It’s like everyone’s had a dose of pride juice for breakfast.

Some argue that they’ve “earned it”, “done all the hard work”, so what’s the problem with showing off their wealth and status and attitude?

Well, a few things. For one, pride is addictive. Like kids who are constantly only praised, do not know how to react to tough times in the future. And oh, tough times do come, to everybody!

Pride also clouds judgment. A know-it-all isn’t one who knows everything. He’s just someone who thinks he knows everything. Nobody knows eveything. Even Goddess Saraswati, the Goddess of Knowledge herself is said to know less than 1% of all Creation!

Pride also brings jealousy, and the constant need to look over one’s shoulder, afraid that someone else might do better.

Is there an antidote to pride? Yes indeed. And it’s very simple. All that is required is for us to remind ourselves, that we own nothing. Not the money, not the status, not the relationship, not even our own bodies! We are simply custodians, spending a few decades in this world. We go, the world stays, and not the other way around, like pride might have some believe.

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…none other than beloved Lord Shiva.

Shiva, as mentioned by Sadhguru of Isha Foundation in many of his talks, means “that which is not”.

We are always running after “that which is”…money, fame, relationships… But Shiva doesn’t need any of these.

He happily accepts the ashes from burnt dead bodies. How many of us can?

Everybody loves the full moon in all its beauty, but Shiva has the crooked crescent on his matted hair.

Few like slimy, creepy, crawly snakes, but Shiva adores them. Swami Chinmayananda once likened the snake to the ego – it is full of poison, from it emerges hatred, jealousy, fear and anxiety. It is always frightened and ever ready to attack. But Lord Shiva? Oh, he’s tamed the ego, and wrapped it around his neck!

And if he opens his third eye, all ego is decimated.

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Came across a super WhatsApp forward today – on Holi-day. The Indian festival of colors, and where a huge bonfire is lit.

Step out of home in the morning for a walk, and there’s a zero chance that you can come back without having some color splashed on your face, or clothes!

But what is all this color and the fire for?

The color put on one another helps us forget our differences. Once colored, everyone is the same.

The fire or bonfire, isn’t to burn material things, but rather to burn our ego and feelings of I, me, mine.

So profound, isn’t it?

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Ego is like a fire, waiting for someone to fuel it. A few nice comments from someone and our chests swell with pride. It’s also fuelled by illusions of our own grandeur, as though we achieved things all on our own!

Ego is bad. But is ego always bad?

Ego is needed for our growth, like when there is a challenge, or the need for creativity and we need to achieve something.

In failure, ego is a wonderful tool, because it doesn’t let you stay down. “Come on, get up, you can do it”, it says.

But in success? It would be best to drop the ego, the feeling that we are individually responsible for all the greatness around.

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Winter is here, and we had to get our geyser fixed. Warm water was coming, but hardly. So we called the plumber, the same chap who had installed our geyser a few weeks back.

He said he wasn’t available, and to call the company for a replacement technician directly, which we did.

Said technician came over, took one look at the geyser, and immediately decalted declared that this installation suffered from the most basic of errors, i.e. incorrect positioning. It had been placed upside down – apparently the most rookie mistake possible.

Mistakes happen, and no harm done (except a nice bill of course).

We sent photos of the pre- and post- geyser setup to the plumber. His response? “I’ve been doing this job 25 years, and you tell me I’ve made a mistake? Impossible. I won’t even look at the photos you’ve sent.”

Nice lesson in overconfidence, ego, customer service, humility, and many other things I’m sure.

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What is at the center of the universe?

Is it our sun? Or is it some other planet? Or is it a black hole? Or is the center the Big Bang from which everything has been ever-expanding? Or maybe it is some other unknown galaxy or matter, that science has yet to discover?

Who knows.

But for all practical purposes, we each are the centers of our own universes. Every single moment of our lives, every hour, every day, we are constantly weaving intricate stories around our lives that have only one protagonist – we ourselves. If we can keep ourselves in the background, and bring others around us into the main scene, then we would likely make good spiritual progress.

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