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Category: Ego

The Laws of Human Nature – part 6 of 6

Continuing the last 3 laws/takeaways from the book called the Laws of Human Nature by author Robert Greene.

  1. The Law of Aimlessness – Without a clear purpose or direction, we drift through life. We must find our life’s aim and pursue it with determination.
  2. The Law of Self-NarcissismSelf-love can blind us to our faults. We need to be aware of our own narcissism and strive for a more balanced self-image.
  3. The Law of RashnessActing without thinking can lead to disaster. We should take time to reflect before making decisions, especially important ones.

    That’s a wrap – an excellent and big book of 18 laws summarized into a few lines. Hope you enjoyed reading, and find the applications useful in daily life!
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The Laws of Human Nature – part 3 of 6

Continuing the takeaways from the book called the Laws of Human Nature by author Robert Greene.

  1. The Law of DefensivenessThis chapter discusses the human tendency to become defensive when challenged. It advises us to be aware of this trait and to use it to our advantage in conflict and negotiation situations.
  2. The Law of Self-SabotageThis law highlights the human tendency to sabotage our own success due to fear and insecurity. It encourages us to recognize and overcome these self-defeating behaviours.
  3. The Law of RepressionThis law discusses the human tendency to repress uncomfortable emotions and memories. It advises us to confront and process these feelings to achieve emotional health and stability.

    Continued tomorrow…
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Selfish and awful

In the amazing new Christopher Nolan movie Oppenheimer, there are several outstanding scenes and dialogues. No spoilers here, but one particular dialogue was super.

In a moment of personal tragedy and difficulty, the protagonist approaches his friend for help. He knows his life is in a shambles, and he remarks, “We are selfish and awful people, but please help us.”

To which his friend counters, “Truly selfish and awful people never admit that they are selfish and awful.”

The power of words!

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The power of ‘I’

In the realm of communication, the power of ‘I’ is often underestimated. In his insightful book “Magic Words”, Jonah Berger explores how the use of ‘I’ can shape our interactions and perceptions, turning it into a tool for ownership and authenticity.

Berger suggests that using ‘I’ can make communication more personal and authentic. When we say “I found that…”, it makes it clear who did the work. It’s a way of taking ownership of our actions and thoughts. It’s a way of saying, ‘This is my perspective. This is my contribution.’

However, Berger also notes that using ‘I’ can make the findings seem more subjective. It raises questions about the universality of our findings. Would anyone else have found the same thing, or are our findings based on the choices we made while conducting the project?

So, the use of ‘I’ is a double-edged sword. It can enhance the authenticity of our communication, but it can also introduce a level of subjectivity. The key is to use it judiciously, depending on the context and the message we want to convey.

Now, you might be thinking, ‘Isn’t the use of ‘I’ a sign of egotism?’ It’s a common perception, but Berger offers a different perspective. He suggests that the use of ‘I’ is not about promoting oneself but about taking responsibility. It’s about saying, ‘I am accountable for this.’

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Ego-less pursuit

We keep reading about and coming across this concept of “giving up the ego”. What does it really mean? How will we feel after the ego is gone? Does it mean we will not have any identity left?

Here is a take from Swami Niranjanananda Saraswati:

If you begin to carve a statue out of a stone, what self-identity is the stone losing? None; rather, it is developing a new identity that will be witnessed and appreciated by many people. Similarly, in spiritual life there is no loss of self-identity; rather the distorted perceptions are corrected, the aggressive ego expressions are redefined, the new wiser you, the new creative you, becomes the new identity.

Interesting, isn’t it? Now if I could just make my ego go!

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Learning by immersion

One of the best ways to learn a language is supposed to be by immersion. What does this mean?

Instead of learning the vocabulary first, memorizing from flashcards and studying the grammar and so on, imagine you are uprooted and placed in a remote village in the country of the language you are trying to learn! Even to get water or go to the loo, you’ll need to begin speaking the lingo – and hence the immersion!

Another lovely story on immersion (not in verbal languages, but the universal language of spirituality!). A pot with 5 holes needed to be kept full of water. What is the solution for this?

Everyone will answer that we need to plug or cover the holes with various materials. All correct no doubt.

But Sant Gurunanak had the best answer. To immerse the pot itself in water, as that is the only permanent solution! The spiritual analogy of course is that our 5 senses, if they truly need to become selfless and have no attachment, then immersion in the Lord is the only way.

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Kind is the new smart

A recent graduation speech at Northwestern University by Gov. Pritzker caught my eye.

And it wasn’t because he was using funny lines from the hit TV sitcom “The Office”, blissfully unaware that the lead actor from the show was in the audience for his own daughter’s graduation (ya, true story!).

He made some lovely points, but the takeaway for me was on the importance of kindness.

Over my many years in politics and business, I have found one thing to be universally true: the kindest person in the room is often the smartest.
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Pride and Pride juice

Everyone knows pride and ego are bad. And yet there’s no dearth of these around us. It’s like everyone’s had a dose of pride juice for breakfast.

Some argue that they’ve “earned it”, “done all the hard work”, so what’s the problem with showing off their wealth and status and attitude?

Well, a few things. For one, pride is addictive. Like kids who are constantly only praised, do not know how to react to tough times in the future. And oh, tough times do come, to everybody!

Pride also clouds judgment. A know-it-all isn’t one who knows everything. He’s just someone who thinks he knows everything. Nobody knows eveything. Even Goddess Saraswati, the Goddess of Knowledge herself is said to know less than 1% of all Creation!

Pride also brings jealousy, and the constant need to look over one’s shoulder, afraid that someone else might do better.

Is there an antidote to pride? Yes indeed. And it’s very simple. All that is required is for us to remind ourselves, that we own nothing. Not the money, not the status, not the relationship, not even our own bodies! We are simply custodians, spending a few decades in this world. We go, the world stays, and not the other way around, like pride might have some believe.

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What’s bad is good for…

…none other than beloved Lord Shiva.

Shiva, as mentioned by Sadhguru of Isha Foundation in many of his talks, means “that which is not”.

We are always running after “that which is”…money, fame, relationships… But Shiva doesn’t need any of these.

He happily accepts the ashes from burnt dead bodies. How many of us can?

Everybody loves the full moon in all its beauty, but Shiva has the crooked crescent on his matted hair.

Few like slimy, creepy, crawly snakes, but Shiva adores them. Swami Chinmayananda once likened the snake to the ego – it is full of poison, from it emerges hatred, jealousy, fear and anxiety. It is always frightened and ever ready to attack. But Lord Shiva? Oh, he’s tamed the ego, and wrapped it around his neck!

And if he opens his third eye, all ego is decimated.

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It’s a holi-holi-day!

Came across a super WhatsApp forward today – on Holi-day. The Indian festival of colors, and where a huge bonfire is lit.

Step out of home in the morning for a walk, and there’s a zero chance that you can come back without having some color splashed on your face, or clothes!

But what is all this color and the fire for?

The color put on one another helps us forget our differences. Once colored, everyone is the same.

The fire or bonfire, isn’t to burn material things, but rather to burn our ego and feelings of I, me, mine.

So profound, isn’t it?

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Risky business

Many people look at risk from a financial perspective. If I make 100$ investment in a stock for example, then will my capital grow through time? Or would it get obliterated?

One could also look at risk from the perspective of losing something other than money, such as a job or a relationship. It’s always a worry for many employees. Should they open their mouths and speak up? Or is it too risky, potentially leading to a demotion or worse, a sacking?

While the risk of doing something, anything, is always large, there exists another very big risk. This is the risk of not doing anything at all. Optimists will gravitate towards doing something, while pessimists will prefer to watch from the sidelines.

Even in spirituality, risk exists. We are often saddled with the weight of the questions, “Am I good enough?” and “What will people think if I…?”

Coming out of this stage requires a lot of courage and self-compassion. The greatest risk is this: not letting go of what people think, and not standing up for how we feel, what we believe in and who we are.

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Here you ego

Ego is like a fire, waiting for someone to fuel it. A few nice comments from someone and our chests swell with pride. It’s also fuelled by illusions of our own grandeur, as though we achieved things all on our own!

Ego is bad. But is ego always bad?

Ego is needed for our growth, like when there is a challenge, or the need for creativity and we need to achieve something.

In failure, ego is a wonderful tool, because it doesn’t let you stay down. “Come on, get up, you can do it”, it says.

But in success? It would be best to drop the ego, the feeling that we are individually responsible for all the greatness around.

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Plus minus equal coincidence

Have been reading one interesting book by a Robert Greene called the Laws of Power. In that, he mentions that he trained a young protégé at one point – a Ryan Holiday – to also become an author. All good.

Then in the newspaper today, I saw an op-ed where someone quoted something written by – you guessed it – Ryan Holiday! Nice coincidence.

But that’s not the reason for this post. The newspaper article said Ryan had an interesting learning on “Plus, Minus, Equal”, that a martial arts trainer used.

To become great he says, each fighter needs to have someone better they can learn from, someone lesser who they can teach, and someone equal who they challenge themselves against. So a plus, a minus and an equal.

The unsaid conclusion of this amazing philosophy, is that one is constantly learning, as one is always a student. Even the best of Gurus, have their own Gurus. Humility is key.

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Hot or cold

Winter is here, and we had to get our geyser fixed. Warm water was coming, but hardly. So we called the plumber, the same chap who had installed our geyser a few weeks back.

He said he wasn’t available, and to call the company for a replacement technician directly, which we did.

Said technician came over, took one look at the geyser, and immediately decalted declared that this installation suffered from the most basic of errors, i.e. incorrect positioning. It had been placed upside down – apparently the most rookie mistake possible.

Mistakes happen, and no harm done (except a nice bill of course).

We sent photos of the pre- and post- geyser setup to the plumber. His response? “I’ve been doing this job 25 years, and you tell me I’ve made a mistake? Impossible. I won’t even look at the photos you’ve sent.”

Nice lesson in overconfidence, ego, customer service, humility, and many other things I’m sure.

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Cry me a river

Here’s a thought provoking para I read recently:

I also wasn’t used to being yelled at. My mother and father never raised their voices. If we did something wrong, they let us know about it, but they never screamed or shouted. I felt tears welling up and my face turning red and hot. I had to force myself not to cry. I said I understood, and we would do better in the future. As I found my way to the parking lot, I vowed to myself, This is never, ever going to happen to me again.

What is insane about this para is that it could happen to anyone. I’ve certainly felt like this before, and it almost feels shameful to think about.

But guess what? It is really common. This experience above? It’s taken from the autobiography of Blackstone’s founder Steve Schwarzman. This happened to him not when he was some just-studying lowly-intern who recently took up his first ever job. Nope. He’d already become very successful, and very rich, and had made an excellent name for himself. And still he had to face the ire of a client. Happens to the best.

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Cattywampus

The Cattywampus was one of the fiercest animals to roam the planet during the Ice Age. I’d not heard of it before, but it was an interesting read. There was a professor who taught his students about the now-extinct animal, and also conduct a spot test thereafter, asking various questions such as the Cattywampus’ color, type of fur, size, diet and so on.

Given all the facts were fresh in their minds, every student answered each question exactly as the professor had just taught. Each student expected a nice 10/10 marks.

But they were shocked when they each got a 0 instead. And so they protested.

The professor’s response? “Yes you answered what I taught, but you did not verify if any of it was true. There is no such thing as a Cattywampus, it’s simply a figment of my imagination!”

This story was featured in a 1991 edition of Readers Digest. Pretty cool way to remind us to each ask questions of the things we see around us. Especially on social media, where there is a lot of fake nonsense. Even Arjuna constantly cross-questioned Krishna. There is nothing wrong in the approach, as long as the questioning is not done from arrogance, but rather a desire to learn.

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Center of the universe

What is at the center of the universe?

Is it our sun? Or is it some other planet? Or is it a black hole? Or is the center the Big Bang from which everything has been ever-expanding? Or maybe it is some other unknown galaxy or matter, that science has yet to discover?

Who knows.

But for all practical purposes, we each are the centers of our own universes. Every single moment of our lives, every hour, every day, we are constantly weaving intricate stories around our lives that have only one protagonist – we ourselves. If we can keep ourselves in the background, and bring others around us into the main scene, then we would likely make good spiritual progress.

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Teacher taught

Everything we learn in school is usually one-way communication.

Teacher teaches, student learns.

The more knowledge a teacher shares, the more knowledge a student learns.

In spirituality, it is a bit different.

The knowledge is already inside. Locked up and hidden. The teacher aka Guru comes about, and unlocks the hidden knowledge.

But for this, the Guru needs to be allowed near the student. Not necessarily physically, but especially mentally.

If the ego is a big wall, then no one can come near, not the Guru, not even God.

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What is this ego?

“I” am the ego. And “I” am filled with pride and arrogance. This is what is ego, is what a simple Sanskrit to English translation would led one to believe.

But is that really it?

When our scriptures talk of ego, they are not referring to pride and arrogance at all. Yes those are bad qualities, but that is not the root cause.

When we say poornamadah poornamidam and give up all our ego to the Homa fire, what ego is that?

The ego here refers to the various identities that we have assumed. As father, as mother, as wife, as son, as daughter, as husband, as employee, as employer and hundreds of other such titles. Lord Krishna clarifies, there is no identity, only Brahman. The rest is maya.

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Rain rain come again

“How to get rid of attachments?” is an oft-asked question by spiritual seekers.

One senior satsangi recently said that we need to know what we are attached to in the first place, before we attempt to wean off them attachments.

So he provided a cool acronym called RAIN.

R for Results, so don’t be attached to the restults of whatever karma we do.

A for Action, so don’t be attached to the action either, like feeling very proud of oneself for going to satsang.

I for “I”, the real ego, putting myself above all else, which is the chief culprit.

N for Non-action, kind of like a counter-point to “A” above, because we can’t be attached to not doing something either. For instance, someone might not go to parties on weekends and feel great about themselves and begin looking down upon those that do go, and getting attached to that inaction.

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