Category: happiness

While schadenfreude we (now) know, it also has a happier cousin, called freudenfreud. What is this?

Enjoying someone else’s success or happiness is what is referred to as “freudenfreude” by social scientists. This term, derived from the German word for joy, refers to the happiness we experience when someone else achieves something, even if it has no direct impact on us. According to psychologists, freudenfreude acts like a social bonding agent, making relationships more enjoyable and intimate.

Some call this positive empathy, ie. the ability to feel and experience someone else’s positive emotions.

Studies have shown that experiencing freudenfreude can foster strong relationships and increase our sense of belonging. For example, researchers at the University of California, Berkeley found that people who experienced freudenfreude in response to their friends’ successes reported higher levels of life satisfaction and more meaningful relationships.

This is all no different from what the Gita or my Guru says. Just live for others, and dedicate our lives to helping those around us.

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This is the French way of saying “with pleasure”.

“Will you be able to help me with this please?”

“Oh mais oui, avec plaisir!”

That’s all the French I know, but the word plaisir triggered a thought about what the great Swami Chinmayananda once said in response to a question.

A devotee asked him why he was unable to be happy.

Pat came Swami C’s reply, “Because you think you are happy, and looking for happiness, but actually all you are looking for is pleasure.”

Pleasure comes from ephemeral things. Happiness or the true state of Ananda is a permanent state, and cannot be linked to material temporary objects.

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How can a comedy be a tragedy? We just need to look at our own lives and the lives of others around us. Everything we experience is a karmic cycle, or maybe even a karmic circus.

We hear or see something terrible. Somebody lost their child to an unfortunate accident, or their own limbs, or lost all their money, or their reputation. All sorts of unbelievable unimaginable things are happening around us. This is the tragedy.

Every Guru and Saint and realized master and spiritual expert realizes that everything is action = reaction. Nothing is without consequence. Today’s eaten becomes tomorrow’s eater, who then becomes day after’s eaten and so on.

Today’s alarming tragedy hence when seen from a detached vantage point, is some play of karma only. We see disasters all around us, and yet we behave like we are immune, constantly taking, taking and taking more.

When and how will be restore the karmic balance this way? What if our karmic store of goodness, runs out? We act without realizing that there is no perfect-er accountant and re-balancer that Creation. This is the tragicomedy.

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My neighbour’s 8 month old baby becomes incredibly happy when she sees me. Her smile is a mile-wide, each and every time!

My Guru’s smile is also a mile-wide, each time he sees me. It’s as if he was waiting all day eagerly to see me, even though I am a nobody. He does this for every single person, no matter who they are.

There is so much happiness in this that all sadness and all irritants in life are forgotten. These are cases of happiness instantly infusing happiness into others. But do we practise this ourselves?

Typically when we see happiness around us, we become sad. Really? We do? Think of a peer getting an early promotion and a solid bonus. Could have been ours, but wasn’t, and then jealousy kicks in. We may smile on the outside, but deep down the emotions are different.

As long as our happiness is linked to a material pursuit, this will always be the case. We will either want to immediately possess the same material item or else become upset.

But happiness is neither a thing nor linked to one. It is an infinite resource, and comes from celebrating eveything life has to offer. Today’s failure is a seed for tomorrow’s success, and today’s success is a seed for tomorrow’s failure. If we can accept this, we can each be forever-happy-now!

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Big is eveything. The more the merrier. The grander the better.

All of human life seems to revel in the grandiose.

More money, more fame, more partying, more socializing, more work, more bonus, more holidaying, more promotions.

But “more” is relative, and limitless. And we tie our happiness to this word.

Then how can we ever be happy?

For happiness, less is more. Even zilch is more. The more we give the happier we become. Helping others with zero expectations, being kind to animals, conducting oneself with humility, doing one’s duty with sincerity, protecting our gift of Mother Nature, living with fellow human beings in loving togetherness – these are the simple yet essential requirements for happiness prescribed by the ancients. Not biggie wiggie, but smallie wallie.

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Adversity is a good thing not a bad thing. Problems aren’t bad, they’re good, because they help us grow and evolve into better human beings. We don’t need to actively seek problems out, but if they come our way, we needn’t lose our minds.

In the recent Commonwealth Games, the weightlifting gold winner in one of the categories had faced unbelievable adversity. His father died when he was 10, and the man had been a rickshaw puller – so it’s not like he left his family rich. The boy worked as a farm labourer and a part time embroidery worker, eventually getting to weightlifting gold. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard that journey would have been.

Other medalists had parents who were paan sellers, tea sellers, lorry drivers, landless farmers and the like. Such a hard upbringing.

Having too much can be a bad thing. Check out this tweet.

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Many of us feel like we do a lot. Yet all this doing doesn’t seem to give us the mental peace and happiness we expect to find. Why is this?

Maybe it’s because we don’t have our priorities straight?

Despite knowing what is important and what isn’t (like family time needs to be balanced with work time), I’ve often found myself slipping one way or the other.

Much of the slipping probably happens because of the need for external validation. I’m unsure of what my action or decision will lead to, especially if it’s an uncommon one. And so I’d rather look at what others are saying, going to say, thinking, going to think – about me! Really? Is anyone thinking about you/me/us? How much are we thinking of others?

A lovely quote I came across is on Mahatma Gandhi’s suggestion for getting to that happy state.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.

This alignment, irrespective of what the external world thinks, could be the answer to internal peace.

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